Thursday, December 10, 2009

She is a dream girl

Mercedes Jones, played by Amber Riley, sang "And I am Telling You" wayyyyyy better on Glee tonight than Jennifer Hudson did in Screamgirls. I think JenHud should give her Academy Award to Amber Riley. And then she should go away for ever.

See, Jennifer? You CAN sing without screaming! Yay.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Marketers need new drugs

What is up with the commercials these days? Most specifically car and anti-depression medication ads. Ugh.

1. Volkswagon. I already have issues with your marketing people, due to the series of ads that basically stated that if you drive a VW you WILL get hit. Now, they have a fella drenched in oil who unsuccessfully changed the oil in his brand new and very expensive Mercedes. The VW rolls up to inform him that oil changes are free and Volkswagon. That's great! However, a guy who just shelled out $50k-100K for a car is not going to be too worried about the cost of an oil change.

2. Lexus IS convertible: Promoting illegal endeavors (so it seems) during a time of economic crisis in which the average person cannot afford this car unless they commit illegal endeavors. Nice way to get around the recession, Lexus. Hey, future IS owners, go steal something and you can get away in your new convertible! Yay!

3. Cymbalta. You make me depressed watching your damn commercial. Seriously! Who does this Cymbalta ad hurt. Everyone.

4. Pristiq. There is a creepy little wind up doll that sticks around, even when the person is on anti-depression meds, to remind them that depression is always watching. I think this commercial is scary. That doll is gonna get you. Not the message I want from my anti-depression drugs. There it is! Augh!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Doobie doobie doo Dance!

I have successfully avoided watching "So You Think You Can Dance" until this season. Marci likes it and if Marci likes something, chances are I will too. So I DVR'd it.

I am in.

Holy smokes, these kids can move. Makes me think that I can move... until I get up and kick my leg up six inches from the floor and feel something unpleasant happen to my hamstring. I keep forgetting how old and unbendy I am. Still, I am wiggling along to the music while I watch, perhaps with some bizarre ingrained belief that I could dance like that if I just tried.

Oh, the bodies! I love all the muscle and the leanness and the flexibility. It is amazing what a body can do. Then they showed me Sean Kingston, off-tune possible offspring of Biz Markie. He is really fat, after seeing all these fit dancers bodies. Thanks for ruining my high.

I loveeeeddddd the Bollywood dance. I was exhausted just watching them. It was good to see Wade Robson's choreography. I loved the Crash Test Dummies dance.

So, I am in. Okay? And if I suddenly feel an urge to dance, grab my hand and join me!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

RIP Grasshopper

I was watching Mental (episode 3, Book of Judges) which starred David Carradine. It was such a sad role to watch, knowing that he is dead. He was in a sort of disassociative state in which in seemed to have no connection to the real world, choosing instead to live in a fantasy brought upon by a lightning strike that hit him and killed his wife.

I don't know where I am going with this, but it struck me as sad. This was supposed to be aired while he was filming a new movie in Thailand. Instead, they are trying to figure out the details of his death. Then there is the whole lightning aspect which makes me sad for the people who were struck and killed by lightning recently, like the 12 year old boy in Fredericksburg, VA last week.

It was a sad episode. And it ended kind of gross with Estella Warren coming to "take care of unfinished business" with the good doctor. I dunno. Seemed a little cliched to me.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Goody Chelsea

Is Chelsea Handler being styled by the women from The Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints?

(sorry for the crappy quality of the pictures)

It's over

Crap. Now what am I going to write about?

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I rolled my eyes so many times they rolled into the back of my head.

I was just going to have this be a one word entry with the word being either "Damn" or "Yay". But then we were exposed to the brutal murder of P!nk's "So What". Hearing Jasmine Murray singing tonight made me wonder how she got there in the first place. Then I thought for sure that Scott was either going to wildly flail himself off the stage, or be pushed.
Dean-Anthony Bradford... has the same singing technique as Adam. Seriously. Lil Rounds was watching the camera so hard and did not start performing until she was sure it was on. That sucks for some reason.

Hey, it's Jason Mraz. I sang one of his songs with a band last night. I forgot all of the words. I could only wooo along. I have new respect for singers. I am going to crash their show again next week and attempt to sing a Paramore song. Hope I can recall the words. It was my first public singing (that no one could hear - whatever, I still sang in public).

Oh, someone got her boobs done. When Ryan said she ought to go out there and perform, I really expected to see a stripper pole descend from the rafters. Kara schooled bikini girl and showed she has an equally hot body. (The subsequent attempts at closing her dress were an added level of hilarity, especially when paired with the bitchy sidelong glances Katrina gave her).

Damn, Cyndi Lauper looks fabulous. She makes me want to go platinum again. She and Allison were great together. I have the words to "Time After Time" taped on the inside of the closet doors in my childhood bedroom. They are at bellybutton level which I assume was my eye level at the time of their taping.

Based on the last Ford commercial, Kris is a way better singer than Adam.

Oh yay! Crazy is back!!! Oh, she was not that entertaining.

The finale song was great. I liked them singing Queen. I even could listen to Adam singing for a second.

Well, here goes....


It's almost over. Yay. a

I am so over this season. It has taken me until tonight to watch last weeks shows. I can't figure out why people like Adam Lambert. His screeching is not talent. We got over the hair band sound in the 90's. I hate the timbre of his voice. Ech. And he will probably win. Strangely, all week there has been no info about who was booted, but I am thinking Gokey is gone. Oh, who cares. If Adam Lambert is an American Idol, then I am no longer a fan. His screeching is not fantastic, nor is it talent. It's just screeching. Dis.Like.

I am now watching the Wed's show and I see my new favorite person, Bill Hader. HADER!!! Oh, there is Jonah Hill. I saw you singing "Waterfalls" in Koreatown in LA. Dawg, YOU were pitchy. Oh. fast forward. Having a nine year old flick his groin at me is not pleasant. There have to be better was of promoting donations to third world countries.

I feel like Adam Lambert would become a major douchebag if given fame. And is it me, but is Katy Perry as annoying as Adam Lambert will be next year?

Okay, Kris is in. But you all know this already. Please let him win the whole thing!

Hey Danny, I think you have a career if you want it. Just go get it.

Okay, now I am watching this Tuesday's episode. I have to listen to the howler monkey and the monchichi.

Adam is resinging Mad World. He doesn't connect with the song for me, but neither does the audience and that's why they love him. I don't get it. They love him singing it, but he does not sing with the sadness of someone who would sing those words. They love this presentation of the song, but it is not his. This version belongs to the Donny Darko people. And, yes, they mastered it. He kind of sucks for stealing their version.

Kris sang Bill Withers. He made it his own. That way beats Adam. Okay, Kris still is a bit of "that guy" for me, but I wayyyyy prefer him to the male Jennifer Hudson. Please, I don't want to see Adam's tongue anymore. I think the microphone agrees with me. (I think American Idol producers owe him a lot of money).

Oh look, I just spotted Katie Holmes and her child with L. Ron Hubbard, Suri.

Okay, seriously. In regards to popular music, Kris Allen is far more likely to appeal to a wider group of people. Adam Lambert only appeals to ex-hair band fans and those who would have like the hair bands, but were too young or too old.

Blech. Can't listen anymore. Bedtime. But, I veto Adam. Yucky. No!


Friday, May 15, 2009

These genes are tight

I really wonder what casting people are thinking sometimes when they cast younger versions of their stars. On Gossip Girl, they decided to cast Brittany Snow as the teenage Lily van der Woodsen. That's great and Brittany was great, however, unless Lily now wears colored contacts, they missed a rather vital part of Kelly Rutherford's face. She has brown (or hazel) eyes and Brittany's eyes are unmistakeably blue.

Meanwhile, over on Lost, the casting agents went back in time and found the actual kid forms of Evangeline Lilly, Michael Emerson, and Josh Holloway. It's striking.

On a related note, casting agents of 90210, thank you for casting a girl that could soooo be the child of Rob Estes and Lori Loughlin.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

It's a boys club

Paula performed tonight. I feel like we got a glimpse into Britney's future. Paula did a great job lipsyncing, I guess. They did the whole song basically in the dark. But her dancers did gamely hold the mic stand for her. Then at the end, they turned her mic on so she could wheeze "Gentlemen, I'm just here for the music!" into it. (To be fair, she really did not seem out of breath, but her mic was right under her nose and made sounds everytime she took a breath). I want to be so much funnier with this, but I am still suffering from the indignities of having ridden my bicycle home from work in the rain and not only having to huff and puff my way up The Hill (not the Capitol one), but also having a wet bum. So do me a favor and imagine this being way funnier.

Oh, ew. Paula has the Tori Spelling cleaved chest. And No Doubt is back together and announces with a frightening performance of a really old song? When she came down the stairs, Gwen reminded me of the spider walk from The Exorcist. And why is she doing pushups? Is this show a tribute to Ghosts of Girlfriends Past which is a modern day Scrooged which was a modern (then) version of A Christmas Carol. Ghosts of performers past (No Doubt); Ghosts of performers future (Paula as Britney); um, and the final idol contestants as present? I dunno. This show is weird.

Nest week, the remaining kids get to go home and be celebrated. They showed some of the past contestants doing this and I did not recognize a bunch of them. If they are so great, why have they not done something with their careers? Hmmm? HMMMM? I am ornery again. Hmm.

First to be safe: pleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdampleasedon'tbeAdam
Yay! Kris is safe. Little monkey face. Who is that guy his wife is hugging?

Damn. I forgot to mutter "pleasedon'tbeAdam" and now he is safe. Crap.

I always find the songs they sing as their swan song appropriate. Cry, Baby.
Allison will do fine. My boss loves her.

need new eardrums

Oh goodie. Rock week. This means the howler monkey will be in his element and I will be subjected to a swarmy screechy song. And he did not let me down. I think that the set is falling apart because his shrill voice is shattering glass and shredding the wires holding it in place. I am glad this show is almost over. (So why do I still watch? I am here to entertain YOU).

Allison should have sung Bobby McGee. I love that song. Cry Baby was boring.

I like the duet, but when they started hitting the song, they had a difficult time with staying in tune. But Kris and Danny sound great together.

I liked Kris' song. I am not much of a Beatles fan. I am also not on the same page as Kara. I thought he made a fairly repetitive song interesting without being shrieky.

Oh, man. Danny is now shrieking at me. Not as annoying as Adam, but damn near close. What is going on? Ugh. I bet they love him. Well, they seem to love screeching.

Allison/Adam duet. Screech/growl... Judges on feet...sigh.

Dunno who is going home. Everyone in bottom 3 except Howler Monkey.

Thursday, April 30, 2009


I decided to try something new last night while watching American Idol. Instead of writing my commentary while I watch the show, I just watched the show and am now writing about it from Panera while I get my car inspected. I would like to say that this is my way of staying interesting in my writing or something equally as clever, but the truth is that I was simply too lazy to get off the couch and retrieve the computer.

I don’t get some people’s popularity. Yeah, I thought he was great in Ray, but that’s it. We all know my feelings about Scream Girls, and that dislike is not held only for the former AI contestant. It belongs to everyone involved (save for the geniuses with whom I may someday work). I don’t like Jamie Foxx’s singing, or his personality or his upper lip/teeth combo. It’s weird. I also don’t think he was singing live, but now I am just becoming ornery.

Another truth to be told, I really don’t think any one of the contestants of this year’s show is going to make an impact on the American collective. They all end up on Broadway anyway, ADAM. (Spamalot – Clay Aiken, Rent – Frenchie, Grease – Taylor Hicks). Speaking of Taylor, well, I have nothing to say, I fast forwarded through all three performances.

Could it be!?!? Oh glory day, Adam was bottom three. Then bottom two. I sat, clutching the yellow couch pillows and an orange cat and prayed and hoped. I was careful to not hope too hard lest the karmic spirits be against me, and lo, they were. Sloth was sent home and the screecher stayed. Dang. BUT America! You have the right idea!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I love standards!

I was going to write this in iambic pentameter, but then realized I am not certain I have a grasp on that at all. Then I was just going to make it all rhyme, but what rhymes with idol? (sidle, bridle, Katherine Heigl, midol). Ooh...

I am watching American Idol.
singers make me cramp, need some Midol...
Won't someone put a bridle
on Katherine Heigl?

Well, that is a taste of what you would have gotten.
By the way, I am kidding Katherine (I am terrified of her). Jamie Foxx? Why did he name himself that? His real name is Eric Marlon Bishop. I was walking up the stairs at a karaoke place in LA once and had already been elbowed to the head by an unsuspecting Jerome Bettis and thusly managed to pour cheap red wine (whine) all over my pink Supergirl shirt with the glittery "S", thereby looking a mess, and possibly the victim of gunfire? I ran into a thugly looking Jamie Foxx on the stairs who snarled at me as I passed him with my sweet little smile. I therefore veto you, ERIC. And pledge to from this point on, call you Eric.

Kris Allen (That Guy) doesn't want to sing the throat olympics, according to Eric. I think that is a different kind of contest, dude. Not one for primetime television on a network show! (Though if on any network, it would be Fox). What did he sing again? He is back to being that guy. (Lower case because I am so bored). The child has a nice voice, and he sings well, but he is soooooo unremarkable. When commercials come right after he sang, he makes me forget what show I am watching.

I like Paula's necklace.

Allison put some black streaks into her hair. Yay. Maybe if she stays in, she can get to the point where all of her hair is dark. (I am an old fogey). I love "Someone to watch over me". She couldn't be singing this song any slower. I almost choked on the peanut from my M&M when she sang "put on some speed". Still, the contest is (or should be) between her and that screechy guy.

They just showed a Ford commercial. No where in it was an Idol contestant. Why does Ford insist on filming commercials with these people if they never use them? Are the commercials being aired in Asia? I just saw an ad for the new Fox show "Glee" some woman was screaming. I did not know that Jennifer Hudson was doing television.

Sloth is really embracing Obama's view of Cuba. I was so busy looking up US/Cuban relations that I did not really hear how he sang. I am sure he did lots of riffs and falsetto runs and was okay.

Wow, Danny Gokey is on board with the Cubans, too! (Are they having the Best Week Ever!?!) Danny does not like it when Eric "gets up in his grill". This is a great song and genre for Danny. I think he will be top three along with Allison and pizza face. (Yeah, I said it. Whatchu gonna do?). I don't see him winning, but he otter come close. He was fabulous tonight. He looked the part, too. I think he reads my blog and is now making hearts with his fingers instead of flashing numbers. Jordin did that and she won.

Here it comes! The best part of the evening. (Just kidding. The best part is when the show is over. This is the part where I wish I had acid with which to wash my eyes and ears out.) I wish that the Shrieker could sing once without shrieking. But I guess he would lose his whole identity then. When the song started it sounded like Supertramp's The Logical Song. I was all... "when I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful". Then he started singing some altogether different. I feel askew. He is feeling Could. Seriously. He sang that he was feeling could. He sounds off pitch to me. Could the golden child be off? (Ech, he grosses me out when he is onstage. I cannot place why.)

Ha! Kara just said he is confusing and sleazy. That's it! That's why he grosses me out (though she meant it in a positive way).

Bottom two, Kris and Sloth.
Sloth is going home.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bye Anoop

So I was at work tonight and instead of being behind the dead, dead bar, I was in the hot, hot office with my manager who just discovered Allison and loves her because she comes from Spanish speaking places like him and doesn't that make her so great and talented? It was 9:05 pm and we were trying to figure out who had been booted from the show, but no one had posted it yet and so I am here in front of my telly at 12:50 am, having to watch the show to find out. I am certain I was right last night, but let's see.

We have to watch the asthmatic monchichi sing tonight. I may just fast-forward through that though.

Paula is gonna choreograph the group song. Thank God!! Maybe the group song will finally not suck. Say what you will about her, but she is a great dancer. But these kids cannot move. Let's see how they do... They are lipsyncing. What the frack? Well, they are not the most cohesive group. Wow. The only one who can dance is Sloth. The rest, well, they give me hope that one day I can follow simple musical theatre choreography. Still, Paula looks like a proud stage mother. Sing out Louise!

I am disappointed in Lil. I really thought she had what it took to win, but every week she has disappointed. This just reinforces that you have to know your audience. Very few people can start off their careers doing just what they want to do. Reassess, Lil. Maybe we will see you later. (I don't think we will. Sorry). Best wishes!

It is funny to see the girl judge reactions. They hold their arms out waiting for the camera light to go red and then they REACT!

Who is this woman singing? Whoever she is, she is a poster child for arm exercises. Damn, Woman. Your arms are Fabooo!

Thelma Houston? Why is your dress so short? Yeah, Paula and Simon are definitely doing it. Thelma sang to Simon and he and Paula were gazing into each others eyes with arms wrapped around one another.

Why does KC sunshine band get four chicks to dance around him? He is one Whopper short of a coronary. Oh, maybe THAT'S why! He has loads of money and may drop soon.

Dammit, Adam. I think I could like him as a person, so long as I never ever had to watch him perform.

Um, Archie, I am glad you did not win. But them were some awesome words you said tho the two in the bottom two. By the way, wow. Allison is bottom three? Wow. I really have no idea who is gonna win the whole thing. But I do know that it is Anoop that is going home tonight. Bye, Noopster. I still adore ya.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

I am kind of glad two of them are leaving

We are dealing with the double send home this week. Simon is looking swell is his dad's old Hanes undershirt. Seriously, does this man not have a stylist? Or is his stylist wasted. Omigosh, is Paula his stylist?

I bet that Lil could sit for hours! I again, am underwhelmed by her performance. It had energy, but thats it. I can't understand why she is not as great as I felt like she could be. I guess sometimes you can be talented and still lack the ability to be a performer. But, um, swell new wig. Why was Paula with Lil yesterday? I'm with Simon, we are kicking Lil to the curb this week. Hey, this is disco weeek. Is Chaka Khan disco? I call foul.

Little monkey boy is up, aka That Guy. He has a bit of monchichi to him, but no where near what David Archuleta had. That boy is a monchichi come to life with a raspy voice. That Guy can count!! Good for you. Smarter than all the rest! Woo! Kid is original, have to give him that. Even if he borrowed one of Simon's dad's shirts this week. They must have had a sale at Wal-Mart. You know, this kid could win. The judges like it, though Simon flipped him off, I think. Seriously. I think I can see Simon's nipples, too.

Randy just said that they are looking for the best undiscovered talent. Then why do they keep allowing people onto the show who have had record deals?

Oh no, Danny starts his song off with WOO! That's a buzz kill for me. You know, no one ever considers the back-up singers, but they have to learn these songs (all of them) in a short time. They are pretty fabulous (though they don't always sound super awesome, they always are great).

I liked this song from Danny Gokey. And he should just win because he made a heart with his hands and I love that.

The song Allison chose is boooring and yet she still stands out. The kid has some talent and I don't mean just a little. She otter win the whole thing.

Ugh, here comes the DB, still embracing his kd Lang look. Can't he figure out another look? I can't look directly at him. He is my Medusa. I will turn to puke. Maybe he is Liberace reincarnated. Yeah, he still blows. I can't take his voice. Yucky yucky yucky. Nononononono. I think he is going to be a fatty in a few years. FAT. Then his lover Clay Aiken will kick him outta bed. Paula says she has never questioned her visceral response to him. I question mine. I have never reacted that way to someone. But I think Paula wants to give it to him. She was raising a ring-bedecked finger at him, akin to the witch in Hansel and Gretel. Push her in the fire! Save yourself!!

Here comes Sloth with Stayin' Alive. Great song choice as people keep comparing him to Justin T-Lake who plays a BeeGee on SNL. And the song is appropo in regards to his still being on the show. Dude is staying alive. (for now). I liked it, but I like him. Whoa, I think Paula is in heat.

Anoop. Noop. snore. Yawn. Bah. I suppose now is time to bid you adeiu. You and Lil can slink off to prepare for the concert this summer. I am sad. I love Anoop, but I never had any ideas of his winning the show.

I wish this show were over. Wish granted! Tada! Yay. See ya'll tomorrow!

Bottom Three:
Anoop, Lil, Sloth

Going home: Lil and Anoop

Monday, April 20, 2009


The episode from 4/19/09 was goooood. Sarah is in heat and finds a gorgeous new fella in her office that strikes her fancy. So hot. I especially love how mid-sauciness, she gets him to sign a form that states the act that was about to happen was completely consensual. After the event, Sarah pops over to Kevin's house all mussed up (Good job hair people), where she interrupts a super charged moment between Kevin and his husband who open the door (literally) to a threesome. Sarah's appearance at the door does no favors for anyone, but it does allow for Kevin and Scotty to later discuss their marital plans. Meanwhile Kitty and her husband are having nothing but trouble. She is finding it easier to confide in a single father friend, than addressing the issue with her husband. Robert sees the issue, and contemplates when he lost her. I appreciate this whole exchange because it demonstrates that you always know when something is wrong in your relationship. If you don't, it is because you are choosing not to see it. I also appreciate that she won't deal with it. The whole issue is realistic and I am curious how they will get through it.

This whole episode was charged, hence the title. But I also liked how Justin took Rebecca up to the canyons and apologized to her for what he had done wrong, but then left her to sort through it herself, versus forcing her to deal with that situation right away. Personally, I need time to sort through my feelings. If I am forced to react, I never go with the right reaction.

I like this show, but I like shows about relationships. I want Kevin and Scotty to stay together and not do stupid things. I want Sarah to have wild encounters. I want Kitty and Robert to figure it out. I want them to drop the ego and address the problem. I am not sure how I feel about Nora and that guy, but it makes me happy, too. I know it is a TV show, but when things work out on the screen, I have bigger hopes of things working out for me. Enough with the bad behavior in relationships already.

Did you know that Laura Innes (Dr. Weaver, ER) directed this episode? She is directing? Good for her. I think she is great.

Amy Poehler

I watched the SNL show of Amy's work that aired this weekend. I always thought she was funny, but I did not realize HOW funny, not to mention clever and awesome she is until I saw a bunch of her skits all in a row. My favorite is Caitlin and her uncle Rick, Rick, Rick! She is hysterical as the hyper spastic child who speaks like what we used to call "Orange Grove People". (Don't ask. It was on a set of a movie in which we sat around in the stands for hours doing absolutely nothing and we came up with the fantastical OGP who spoke like Caitlin and we spoke like that for hours).
Seriously, her talents are being wasted on her new show Parks and Recreation. I am not sold on it yet. She plays a character that differs from "Michael Scott" on The Office only by gender and job. It is uninteresting. Tina Fey plays a similar type character on 30 Rock in that she is a boss, she is insecure and a little weird. But Liz Lemon is interesting because she knows she is not cool. She does not really try to be. That is the main difference, I think, between her and Michael and Leslie Knope.
Leslie makes me uncomfortable and I can't really relate to her. I can relate to Liz Lemon. I wish that Amy would have developed a more complex character. 'Cause damn, the girl is funny, and awesome and deserving of a far better vehicle than the P&R crap.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I think I am cranky this morning

Dang it, I am finding that I like Adam Lambert as a person. I just can't stand him performing. And now they bring on Jennifer Hudson. Hopefully it is for her to return her Academy Award and apologize for screaming at me in that awful movie.

She is weird in her performance. It's like she is out of breath and she keeps looking around like she is waiting for someone she needs to smack to come up to her. (Is she looking for Simon?) And there it is. She is shrieking at me again. She looks confused and sounds kind of pitchy, dawg.

I wonder if their ear pieces are not working because Miley sounds off tune, too. Maybe that is why Jennifer was looking irritated and fiddling with her ear. I did not realize how nasally Miley sings. She looks absolutely adorable. Her weird herky-jerky chicken dancing is not just demonstrated during her fast songs. Somehow she manages to dance that way to her ballady songs, too. It is funny to see a dolled up sixteen year old head bang to a slowish song.

Matt is voted off. Will they use the save? I feel like they might. They do. Sloth gets to stay. I wonder how this override of the public opinion will affect him and how people vote for him.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

So ballad you could make it*

I just realized that I have written about AI 22 times. That does not include the times I wrote about this show on my other blog. I am a bit of a loser.

They are using Quentin Tarantino as mentor this week and they called him an icon (or something like that). He may have made (help make?) two of my favorite films: Reservoir Dogs and Four Rooms. He is still an ultimate nerd. They are going to sing songs from films. Hmmm. Whatever will they sing?

I feel like Anoop is leaving us this week. I am sad. I don't see him as THE winner, but I do like him. Allison is up first and she sings Aerosmith "Don't wanna miss a thing". I hate this song. It is so boring. She has such a great thing going for her and manages to keep me interested even when she is just kind of whispering the song. She has talent. She also has stage presence. I am only worried with her raspiness that she may destroy her singing ability. But she is great.

NOOOP!! He nailed! Quentin was right in him needing to nail the harsh words in that song to capture the emotion and it was good! Yay.

Adam "DB" Lambert is up. They say they like his versions. Um, they are other people's versions that he appropriates. He can suck my arse. He is not creative. He just takes other people's creative visions as his own. He is the Madonna of AI. But heck, look how far it took her. Still dislike him. He abused the heck out of my ears with that crappy falsetto tonight. Nononononononononononononononononono.

Matt Giraud. Another Canadian prime minister song. He did this beautifully, or would have had he sang it more simply. His riffs put him off tune at times and took away from the beautiful melody. I like Sloth, but I feel like he could simplify. But at least his falsetto does not put me in a coma, Adam.

Danny Gokey sings Endless Love like he is just learning it. He ended it really well, but the beginning seemed off to me. He was coming in on notes badly, not quite sure where it was supposed to be. Once he got into it, though, it got really good.

Crap, I am going to have to learn That Guy's name. He is singing Falling Slowly from Once. I want to sing his harmony on this one. Dang. I love this song. I think I want to not know him because of the weird things he does with his mouth. Crapitty Crap. I like Kris. Dangly dang. I like what he did with the song.

Last but maybe not least is Lil. I like her and I had such high hopes for her, but I think she may be in over her head within this competition. Well, let's see what she does. Man, they are all ballady. Ugh. She keeps warping her notes and sounds like she was left out in the sun. Lil is becoming a mannequin for her wigs. I think she is going home. This is awful to me.

I am now officially a Tarantino fan. He seems like he would be fun to work with.

Bottom three: Lil, Sloth and Anoop. (Though I think Anoop should be replaced by Danny)

Lil Rounds is going home.

*Worst title ever. I was trying to do a play on words as in so glad you could make it... Sigh.


I think the Gilly skit on SNL is stupid. I would like them to stop doing it. Does anyone think it is funny? They are wasting Kristin Wiig's talent. Bah.
I did think that Zac Efron was fantastic AND Michaela Watkins as the blogger from freakin' made me explode from laughter. When she said "more like Zac what the Eff is wrong" and then he came out and she did a spit take and spilled her iced coffee all over Seth Meyer. I died from laughter and then watched that scene over and over again. Comedic brilliance. J'adore, Michaela!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Take one down, 7 idols left.

I forgot to guess who was gonna leave. Um, bottom three: Scott, Lil, Danny. Scott is going home. If he doesn't, then the people are voting for the wrong reasons in a singing competition.

I am gonna go ahead and speed through most of this episode because they have Kelly Pickler and Flo Rida performing.

Are Paula and Simon doing it? Because they keep touching and looking at each other. Plus, they are very sassy to each other.

Is that Frankie Avalon? He looks phenomenal. And still sounds great. How old is he? He is almost 70. People are aging well.

What the hell? Was Lil lost? Did she blow the opening of the group song? They sound horrendous! Still hate the group song. Oh, and maybe that guy might be in the bottom three. Based on the group song, I would kick them all out and start all over.

AI contestants have been doing Ford commercials for years and I have yet to see one televised outside of AI. Heck, Scott does an amazing Simon impression. I would have thought that Adam would have been a better actor, but he looked stiff to me and I don't recall seeing Anoop in the commercial at all. (I do like that Adam seems gracious).

Oh man, is Anoop going to the bottom three? :( Maybe it is That Guy that will wind up there. But we all know that Adam ain't leaving. Aw, Anoop! Noooo. The Indian/American boys are having a rough week. Kutner (Kal Penn) committed suicide on House this week. Now they put my precious Anoop Dawg in the bottom three? Heavens to Murgatroid.

They just showed a Ford commercial and it was not an AI one!!

Okay, I was wrong with Danny in the bottom three. It is Anoop. But I still think that it is Scott going home, and no. They won't save him.

Kelly Pickler does not sound that great either... But I think Simon may have suddenly discovered her talent.

Well, it is Scott. And to save himself he sings "How can I convince you that what you see is real". Sorry, hon. You seem like a really nice kid. But it is time for you to head home. G'night! (And good luck).

Thank you America!


The baby pictures are always cute, though I remember thinking that David Cook looked exactly the same. Ryan Seacrest was a goofy looking kid, but dang if Randy was not adorable!!

I love this episode for the baby photos, but hate it for the fact that it makes me feel old. I remember the songs they sing that are from their birth year. AND the oldest kid is Danny Gokey, born in 1980! 80!?! I was seven. Ack.

He is singing Stand by Me and that was my first R rated movie that I saw in the movie theatre. I think I was 12 or 13. I can see Danny as a high school history teacher. Yawn. This song sucks. He is okay, but this is boring to me. These are some top songs of 1980, any of which would have been better. Apparently, I am the only one who was totally underwhelmed by it.

That guy is up. I don't think he is gonna have a full head of hair for much longer (sorry). He is mobbed by high clappers. Crap, I kind of like his version of a song I don't really like. Dang, I am starting to like him. Am I gonna have to learn his name? I even like that he is performing in the midst of all them chicks. Hmm, I am on a different path than the judges. They like those I hate and hate those I like (of all of the two that have performed thus far).

How many wigs does Lil own? I want to like this, but I am getting a weird vibe from Lil's version of Tina Turner. It is rather pageanty (oh my, am I channelling Simon?). I don't think she is gonna win anymore. I wonder what she is missing. Wow, the judges finally agree with me!

Anoop! So cute. But what is he gonna do to True Colors? Well, he miss-sang the lyrics, singing the darkness inside you can make you feel so strong, instead of small. That kind of changes the meaning of the song. The darkness making you feel strong is more of an anthem for sociopaths. I loved this song when it was on the radio when I was little. I used to record it and transcribe the words. Those words are still taped to the inside of the closet door in what used to be my room at my mom's house. Well, he sang it prettily and made it his own. I love him.

I dunno, maybe I am tired. I am not feeling any of these performances. I am kind of loving Simon for telling Anoop to not apologize for reacting to a criticism.

There is a blonde girl in a Kohl's commercial. (Takes place in a salon and they talk about Dana Buchman). Super cute. Look for her. I bet she gets a ton of work in the near future.

Ugh, it's Scott. I can't take him anymore. Wow, is he wearing mascara? Why is he still here? Blech. (He seems nice enough, but he sucks as a singer). Ha! He started to say he is versatile and they cut him off with the AI music. Ha!! Because he is not!

Allison is way cuter with dark hair. Oh no. Even Bonnie Raitt had a hard time making this song be awesome. Crap, I like Allison's voice in this. Wow. "I can't make you love me" would be a great song to be kicked out with. But she is going nowhere, because that was fabulous! Dang. Her voice is great for that.

Sloth! He sure likes his jeans snug. He does not quite bear the physique to justify his predilection. This was good. I feel like he tried to do too much with it. Had he simplified just a wee bit, it would have been fantastic.

It is a good thing that I recorded Fringe, or else I would have missed Adam Lambert. Well, I don't suppose I would have been too fraught by it. But here it is. Lucky me. (Though I think he might do well with singing Queen. Wonder if he will tackle that in this show's run).

Why are they showing ads for "Chicago" with images of the original cast?

Randy can't button his shirt, but he makes fun of the kids for the finger waving, too. I am liking him more and more.

Adam Lambert liked to wear capes and not play sports. Hmmm, would never have guessed (though I was a drama nerd, too). He is tackling a fabulous song. His girlish voice is sucky. This song can't be redone (again, I mean. The Donnie Darko version is beyond amazing.) This guy is a schmuck. I hate his version. I don't like his falsetto. Go listen to this version and see why. The song is haunting, not creepy. Adam Lambert is grody. Bah. Gary Jules liked Adam's version. Do the boys from Tears from Fears like it too? Am I alone in my distaste for Adam?

Go rent Donnie Darko! That is a fantastic movie!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

End of an ERa

I think I have watched every episode of ER. Back in the first couple of seasons, every single episode brought me to tears. Watching Dr. Carter fumble his way through his internship, while helping an old man lose his longtime spouse; or attempting to talk a transgender man (to woman) off of the roof (she plunged to her death and I wept along with John Carter) made this a show that was poignant and compelling. Who wouldn't love the playboy pediatrician in Doug Ross? I remember an episode were he near lost his mind on a parent who was abusing his kid. Who does not want to see that passion and that protectiveness of a child (by a sexy man)?

My friends used to come over every Thursday night to make dinner and watch the show. My sister made this the one show she watched (though my brother had a knack for calling right as the show started). We all gathered together to watch Susan Lewis's departure and were really sad. It did not seem right to lose her. In the meantime, we have lost everyone save for Nurse Haleh. Some people came back again, but mostly it seemed like a hospital would be, with occasional changes in staff. I was sad at the loss of characters that I had come to love but the stories were so well written that I believed in every new character and I wanted to know their lives.

We even had actor changes for some characters. Mark Greene's daughter, one a raven haired cutie (whose sister was on the Nanny and now on Californication) became a curly haired blonde girl. Strangely, the first actress looked like the woman who played her mother while the second looked more like her new stepmother, Elizabeth Corday. Sam Taggert traded her son in for a new model, too.

Another thing I noticed a long time ago was that Frank, who is now their desk guy, had been a cop. He was married to the nurse Lydia (or dated her or something). But they never addressed that once he started working in the ER. I can't seem to find proof of this though, so I may be wrong. But I really have the two of them together in my memory. Prove me right or wrong if you can, please.

The cinematography was incredible for the time. It was gritty, bumpy and realistic. They moved so quickly and you never knew which way the camera would veer off. Everything moved quickly. It was easy to believe you were really in the ER. I think it was the first time they used long steady-cam shots on television. They never stopped to explain what they were doing which is why I learned a flippin' boatload from this show. I used to tape it and watch it with my finger on the pause button so that I could look up what the heck they were talking about in my medical dictionary. I got so versed that when I took a practice MCAT for fun, I did extremely well.

Oh, and the cast. The beautiful cast. George Clooney upending the world with that Caesar haircut. The sweet cuteness of Noah Wiley. A former nerd being The Man in the hospital. Sherry Stringfield and Maura Tierney were so cool to me (and I could go on and on about Linda Cardellini and Parminder Nagra and others). Even Goran Visnjic who was not sexy to me at all in "Practical Magic" was super sexy as Luka Kovac. Maybe I like the scrubs. Mmmm.

The triumphs and tragedies that the characters faced were so deep that I felt like they happened to friends. Yes, I am a crazy TV watcher, but even I turn the TV off and stop thinking about characters. Still, this show affected me. I can't imagine how the loss of Michael Crichton in 2008 affected the cast and crew. But I can say that the loss of Mark Greene saddened me.

My favorite character was Susan Lewis. I loved her. She didn't tolerate any crap. One of my favorite episodes included some guy who was being rude to her. He was on a bed in curtains, lying on his stomach. She told him she was taking his temperature, but then stuck a sunflower in his bum and opened the curtain for all to see. Ha!

Do you guys remember when Dr. Carter was shocked by Chen and her accidental application of the defibrillator paddles? Or the twelve seconds that Maria Bello was on the show, and how she just disappeared without warning? Or how annoying Mariska Hargitay's character was on the show yet how cool and sexy she really seems to be? What about the guy who saved the turkey from being killed for Thanksgiving only to be attacked by it. He broke its neck and went to the ER for stitches and Tag was in an exam room plucking it for dinner. Feathers everywhere!!!

This would not be a retrospective without Dr. "Rocket" Romano. Marci and I met him in New Jersey and he could not have been a nicer, more soft-spoken person. But what a character on the show. And how gross was the attack on him by the helicopter, twice!?! I must have rewound that and watched a million times.

It is weird to think that our portal into an emergency room is closing. I am really sad. And once again, the show brought me to tears. This time in the first few moments of the retrospective, and the tears never stopped.

Thank you.

Is there life on Mars?

This will ruin the last show for you if you have not seen it, so go watch the show first and then come back to read this.

Wow. That was not what I had expected at all. So his "family" is really the people at the 1.2.5. I like how the little things came together, like why Windy kept calling Sam 2B. I guess I did not expect the title of the show to be literal. The Obama girl president thing was a bit hokey for my taste, but I like the turn of events. The weird little robots were the computer glitches? I dunno.

Well, I respect the fact that they completed the story. I always was proud of Twin Peaks for not extending just because the show was popular.

So, all in all... the ending was a bit cheesy, but it worked and I am mostly okay with it. It does not compare to the clever writings of the whole show and it felt a bit contrived, like they were attempting to quickly explain everything. Still, they managed to complete it and that is wayyy better than how Journeyman ended. (Why was he jumping all over time?).

Good show.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Happy, oh happy... The end, the end, the end*

When I first started watching this show, I was not certain how I would possibly feel about it. The premise is so crazy. How would they ever explain it? I also was not sure how I felt about Jason O'Mara. The only place I had really seen him was as a creepy sociopath that haunted Kyra Sedgwick's Brenda Lee Johnson on "The Closer". I did not like him then.

But I watched Life on Mars. I dutifully sat before my telly on the big yellow sofa to see what shenanigans Sam Tyler would get up to in his adopted time of 1973. And I loved every second of it. This is a brilliant show. Well thought out, written, acted and directed.

Tonight is the series finale. While I am glad the show is not being dragged through some ludicrous oblivion because it is on wayyyyy too long, I am sad that it is over so quickly. I loved the setting of 1973. It was tangible to me. I felt like I truly saw what it was like to be a cop in 1973, to be alive in that era.

I loved Gretchen Mol's feminist cop. I wanted to tell her, you won't have to wait long to be a cop, babe. But thank you for fighting your way through the male bullshit to get to do what you want to do. (Though we could go on and on about how male driven our society is TODAY, but another time).

I loved the lack of political correctness. I feel like it started as a great idea to be more cognizant of people's feelings, which, as usual, got out of hand and now people get worked up about the most ridiculous things. Honestly, if you don't like what someone says, tell 'em to shut up, or walk away.

I loved the story lines. New York was seedy, and interesting. The people were in a creative time, looking to understand the war, and the way of the world, while dabbling in free love and drugs. Fascinating. Can you imagine these behaviors today? (Well, the free love, anyway).

The story line of Sam and his family was great, too. I can't imagine what I would do in his place, but I imagine I would sit my little self down and say things like study harder and blah blah blah. And I would give myself cool names like Cyndi Lauper and (geez all the names coming to mind are belonging to people who were already famous in 1973)... I love the tie-in with 2008 and 1973. It is fun to see Sam Tyler yelling at a police det. who is going to see Soylent Green and who happened to have pissed Sam off that soylent green is people. Ha!

I wonder if he will go back to the future? If he doesn't, will he simply have ceased to exist in that time? Or, will he have existed up until he went back in time, and now will die in a coma? Will he go back to the future and find Annie there? How do you go back to normal after this experience? And why did he go back in time anyway?

Well, it is time. I am going to sit down and watch Harvey Keitel, Gretchen Mol, Michael Imperioli and Jason O'Mara end a really great show. Tomorrow more tears will come at the ending of er. I saw every episode of that show.

*Innocence Mission - "Happy, The End"

Minor recap from someone else's recap

Stupid rassin' frassin' DVR did not tape the result show. I missed some spectacular group song, I am sure of it.

Here is a pretty good assessment of what I missed. I love this blogger if for nothing else, this: "And Adam, you just made me stop believing. Please stop tonguing the microphone when you fake sing. Ew. "

Oh, and Megan goes. Thank goodness. It is kind of bitchy of Simon to not let her sing to be saved, but at the same time... what's the point? She sucks.

This one is dedicated to Mary.

I just could not bring myself to watch the show last night. I was too tired and busily breeding fish on the Fish Tycoon app on my iPhone.

Why is Simon's hair getting more square (literally and figuratively, I guess). Does his stylist really think it is a good look, or does Simon demand it and the stylist just sighs and cuts (or, uh, doesn't cut)?

Geez, what is wrong with Allison's hair/clothes/shoes. Ack. I must be getting old, because that horrifies me.

Dude, is Ryan Seacrest human? Does he sleep? He looks a bit like a goldfish to me, and fish don't seem to sleep, either. He must have a gazillion jobs. (insert some inappropriate comment about his love life here).

ANOOP! Singing Usher and channelling Michael Jackson. Curious. Golly (I am trying this word on for size...), I love Anoop Desai. Ew, but he is visually raping the camera and I dislike that. Did I ever tell you about the time my friend M and I saw Lionel Richie and she stuck her hand up for him to touch and he touched and touched and touched. At first I was like, woooo! Lionel Richie! Then I was like whoa, Lionel Richie. Stop hand raping my friend. Which sounds way worse than it was, but it was a little weird.

Ha, Kara just said that it felt like a bunch of frat boys dared Anoop to sing Usher and then they showed a bunch of frat boys shaking their heads. Funny.

What is Megan Joy still doing here? She is actually beginning to make me crazy. Did I tell you guys I got a scooter? It is so cute and I rode it around last night. I am a little scared I am going to be a squashed bug on someone's windshield. I really don't want to die in a Fox 5 newsworthy way. Sigh, Megan is still singing. She wants to give me good lovin'. I would be satisfied with her just going away. She always looks a bit out of her element. I can't figure out why she wants to do this.

Is there a theme to this show? Is it sucking? Ha, I am so funny. Just kidding. I like Danny Gokey's voice. This song is a little boring, but he made me not fast forward through it. Aw, he looks like he really got into the emotion of that song. I appreciate that.

I think all the cat hair in this dang place is starting to affect my keyboard. Bill stay off of my computer.

Dude, Allison grew up hearing "Don't Speak" by No Doubt. Geez, I am old. She looks more like Cyndi Lauper, who I grew up listening to. Hmm, I am not really into this version. She is trying too hard.

The audience just likes to boo for the sake of booing. Kara gave Allison a great compliment in saying that she does not need to dress like a fool because she has the skills that don't need a costume. They booed this? They would prefer she sucks and gets to wear her ugly ensembles? And Paula tried to be all cool and call the guitar an axe. I know that it is called that, but by Paula Abdul?

I know what Simon Cowell was doing at sixteen. He was being booted out of schools, 16 in all.

Ugh, here comes Scott. Singing Billy Joel. Cliche alert. Ugh. I went to a church service once where the organist played all the songs really slowly and my mom and aunt tried to sing the songs faster, but no one helped them get the organist on track and we spent an awfully long time singing hymns. I think that Scott was that organist. Paula is proud that Scott makes us forget his challenge and I say, yes. Let's forget about his challenge and stop keeping him around.

Oh Sloth, I am not certain about this. It just sounded weird. Not quite right. I feel like he could have picked a better song. Matt Giraud does not look like he handles disappointment well.

Oh, no. Lil Rounds is singing Celine Dion. I have a bad feeling about this. As much as I am not a fan of CD, child can sing. I might have to rescind my thought that Lil could win the whole thing. Jeepers, make this stop. Her notes are piercing me straight through my brain. Hey, Lil... Loud does not equal good.

Man, I am bored. This is usually where I start petering out on the show. I won't this time, because I feel an obligation to Mary to keep up with my brilliant observations.

Oh my gosh, I just got teary-eyed when Lil's little one hugged Randy.

I am about to get teary-eyed for another reason. Adam Lambert is up and I tend to cry when I puke. Oh, and you people were right, he was wayyy more k.d. Lang than Elvis. He is embracing the look. I can actually feel my nerves freaking the hell out when he is singing. My whole body rejects this crap. I don't think acid is strong enough to wash this experience off of me.

Oh, I thought we were done, but that guy is still on the show. He is going to sing Bill Withers? I love that song.

Bottom 3:
Megan Joy
Scott MacIntyre
Lil Rounds

Going home:
Megan Joy
Or Scott. I was listening to the recap and he too makes the bile rise in my throat.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

If that is motherhood, I am IN

I am "live" blogging from the pilot episode of "In the Motherhood". Let's see what we think of this show. Forgive me if this is disjointed as I am writing as I watch.

OH NO! Karen from Will & Grace just said that if you don't use your goods, they seal up after a ten months!

Okay, four minutes in and I am hooked, line and sinker....

Uh, is that Horacio Sanz? Wow, he lost weight. He looks great! Wow.

Karen from W&G is saying she is fifty (Whaa?) and then that she is already menopausal. Please tell me women are not menopausal at 50. Are they? Is fifty old? Dude, I am screwed. I suppose I must be pre-menopausal. Yikes. Dude, and she is like 50? Really? OMG! I just looked her up on IMDB and she IS 50! Damn! She is hot. You know what? I think 50 is no longer old. Women are looking damn fine these days.

This third date thing is not really expected is it? I have been hearing a lot about that whole third date thingy on TV lately (thank you, Gary Unmarried). But, well, I guess it is not something I need to worry about as I can't seem to get past the second date.

I think I could love this show, but mostly because I love Megan (fifty is nifty) Mullally and Cheryl Hines. (They remind me of my girls).

I'm gonna make you my special lady

Does anyone watch the Showtime show "The United States of Tara"? I love this. I have always been fascinated by Multi-personality disorder. While I find it bizarre, I have never questioned the possibility of the reality of this disorder. When I go to the dentist and know I have a painful and tedious procedure to endure, I go to a different place in my head. Imagine dealing with a horribly traumatic event every single day. The whole dissociative disorder makes complete sense to me.

The show is written by Diablo Cody and I am impressed with her departure from "Juno". I was worried that she would not be able to produce something different enough from the witty reparte' that she demonstrated in Juno that would keep her interesting and current, but here I am.

Tara has gone off of her medication in order to get a grip of her alters. She has a new one, "gimme". Gimme is a a personification of her id. This feral aspect of her personality seems to me as a step closer to understanding the issues that brought Tara to this place. I cannot wait to see how things develop. Tara is getting to the point where she is experiencing things along with her alters. To me this seems as a step towards Tara losing her alters and just living her life as Tara.

In any case, this show is brilliant. The acting is fantastic and the story is great.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Called it.

I like results shows because I can fast forward through most of the shows' posturing and the ridiculous group song. Ech. I don't need to deal with all of Ryan's chatter, so I fast forward until I see who the bottom three are and who goes home. Enough for me. Maybe I am missing some clever musings, but I doubt it.

Season two winner is here? Clay Aiken?

I think that Paula flashed the "loser" sign at Ryan. I thought she was beefing with Simon. I still think they do occasionally get a room.

Man, Ruben's sweating puts Whitney Houston's to shame. Here I thought she held the crown for onstage sweating. I guess everyone gets dethroned eventually. One time, I went to NYC and saw Rent. Ruben and Clay were in the audience, just a few rows from me. They went to see Frenchie who was on AI with them. Clay: super social. Wandered through the crowd and chatted with people. Ruben snuck through the back after the show started. Because he is soooooo famous.

Sloth is bottom three? I bet it is because those jeans he wore demonstrated too much of his "talent". We are just not ready for that kind of exposure from you.

What a sucky walk that must be... To the loser chairs.

Is anyone else a little disturbed by the duet with Joss Stone and Smokey Robinson? He looks like an overeager old man whose overt advances on a young girl don't matter because he is just so old; yet if she let him, he would slobber all over her. Ew. (He's not even that old). Joss is feeding into it. Not helping. But British girls are crazy.

Megan Joy must be paying people to call for her. And enough with the sympathy vote already.

Hey! They did not do a group song. But they did bring out Stevie Wonder. When I see him, I think of the episode of The Cosby Show he was on. He still sounds great. Sad about his hair, though. Soon those braids will be two pigtails, the way his bald spot is growing.

Ugh, as if I needed more ammunition, the Screecher is dancing to Stevie like a hula dancer on Ecstasy. Ugh. Oh, awkward dancing, Megan. Awkward!

Aw, Michael will be okay. He seems like such a nice fella. Plus, his daughter will be happy to have him back home. Maybe it is guttural interpretation of the song that made us all mad. Whatever, bye.

I am gonna post this before the judges vote because they ain't saving him.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Holy Crap

Here we go again. Why is this show 2 hours long? I had better crack open a nice pinot grigio.

What is on the back of Paula's shoes that makes her walk like a chihuahua when you put socks on it's feet? Randy just said that it was hard to see Alexis go. I think it was because he wanted Allison to go. (Remember? When pressed, he said that of Alexis and the screecher, Allison would be the one to go home).

Aw, Scott's brother does not get to guide him anymore.

Wow, they got to go to Hitsville? That is so cool. I would love to get the stories of the history of Motown. Man, then they get to sing with Smokey Robinson. Can you imagine? I would be too awestruck to be able to complete a sentence, much less a song.

I always wanted to have a hot neighbor and just happen to be playing "Let's get it on" whenever he came home. But I never got a hot neighbor and I don't think Sloth's pants should be THAT tight when he sings this. However, maybe it is how he reaches them there high notes. I like him. He seems like a nice kid.

Oh, it's that guy. He is still on the show... I actually like his voice. But I forget about him as soon as he is off the screen. (Hmm, Paula's bangs are shellacked in place. They don't move at all). Simon just said that he is not conceited enough. I just think he is booooorrring. Seriously! He is so forgettable that during the commercials, I forgot what show I was watching.

Scott is wearing pink pants. I thought he could see a little... He says he is single. The pink pants are not going to help. I think he is going to make this song boring. Let's see... Ugh. He should sing the theme song for Miss America and leave it at that. ENOUGH ALREADY! Holy crap. What is he doing to this song? This is worse than awful. Oh I feel something, Paula. It is bile in my throat.

Oh snap! Paula just gave Simon crayons and a colouring book. Nice. Oh, and Scott says he did not know his pants were pink until right before the show. Seems the stylist is playing with him. Maybe the stylist is saying enough already, too.

Oh Megan. Let's hear you make this song sound like every other song you may ever sing. Wow, she is not hitting the notes very well. She looks a bit like Carrie Underwood today. Damn, she is flat. She does have the cocky that Simon wants out of that guy.

Man, Smokey is nice. I have to respect Randy Travis for not being super saccharinny. But Smokey said nice things about my boy Anoop. (Oops, I typed Anoops. Ha. An oops. Ha!) Wow, Noops can do a nice falsetto. Not one that makes me wish Freddie Krueger would shove a spike through my ear like he did to Johnny Depp. (Though look what it did for Johnny!)

Commercial break: I LOVE this McDonald's commercial. "Gimme back that fillet o'fish! Gimme that fish!" Brilliant!!!

Michael is singing "Ain't too Proud to Beg". Is that in a rap song? This is terrible. Man, they all suck. Send 'em all home and let Sloth and Lil battle it out. I just figured the song out that I was thinking of. "If I need it in the morning or the middle of the night, I ain't too proud to beg!" (TLC).

Oh Lil, I did not like that either. She was shrieking at me, and did it without managing to hit many of the notes. Why are they all off today?

I just saw Olivia Newton John! I like checking out the audience and playing who is famous.

Why is the screecher dressed to look Elvis? You ain't no Elvis. But if you were, I would like to hear that Elvis has left the building. Oh, I will concede he has talent, but I simply cannot stand him and I have suddenly forgotten his name. He grosses me out. I will have to bathe in acid now. And what's up Kara? This show ain't about you.

Danny Gokey will need to work on his stage presence. His voice is great, but he is soooo cheesy on stage. AND he totally disregarded Smokey's advice about singing the back-up. I wonder if that will anger his potential voters.

The way Allison is dressed, she looks like her papa was a rolling stone. Or a john. Yikes. This child can sing.

The best part of the show was Simon's application of a mustache on Paula. Ha.

My bottom three:
Scott, Megan, Michael.

Michael is going home.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Sucks watching when you already know who is booted.

Who is the scary harmonica player sitting on the edge of the stage? Is this his performance? They focus more on him than on Michael Sarver. I like Michael, but I can't see him winning this. His daughter (?) did not seem to like his performance.

I love the raspiness to Allison's voice. The next guy is so bland to me that I don't even recall his name. I love me some Lil Rounds. Honestly, this girl should just be removed from the show and given a contract.

Augh, I really dislike Adam Lambert. He skeeves me out. I know that everyone else seems to love him, but yuck. I am glad that Randy Travis seems to feel the same way I do. I always liked him. Ech, listening to him makes me feel contaminated. I wonder what spurs this visceral hatred from me. Ugh. Make it stop. Oh no, and he is wearing jeans with the exposed zipper. Tacky.

Scott MacIntyre is no good. Enough already.

I really like Alexis Grace, but I already know she is going home. I wish she would have connected to the desperation of the song more into her performance. It is a shame that Alexis is going already. I would think Scott or the guy whose name I can't recall should go before her.

Danny came out super weak, but he sold it. He engaged me enough to allow me to ignore the beginning. Plus, he is rather charming. I agree with Simon in regards to his outfit. That white jacket sucks.

ANOOP! J'adore. Dunno what it is about him that I find super appealing, but yay, Anoop! Sometimes Paula is super nerdy. But she looks good again. Anoop was great! The song could have gotten boring and he managed to keep it exciting and sweet.

Megan Joy. She is kind of one trick pony, like me when it comes to AI. Whoa... what is up with the boob sacks on that dress? Her twisty dance seems to be getting weirder, too. I think she is trying to reel it in, but forgets.

Sloth is really growing on me.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

13 minus 2

An HOUR to get rid of two?

They have a new rule that they can save a contestant based on some of the previous contestants too early dismissal. But if you look at Daughtry, Tamyra Gray, Jennifer Hudson (to my chagrin), they all have had successful careers. They don't really need the save. I bet they have had better success having been booted early than had they won the AI title.

Megan looks lost during this group song. This is embarrassing to watch. I wonder if it is as embarrassing to perform.

Jasmine is in the bottom group. Megan, too. But Jasmine is the one going home. This whole judge saving thing is a little cruel. Dash the poor kid's hope just one more time.

Anoop and Jorge are in the bottom group. I picked them all. I am proud of myself. Please send Jorge home.

KELLY! Squeeee! What the heck is she wearing and why am I starting to feel dirty whenever Ryan and Simon talk to each other? (I dedicate this song to you, American Idol. My life would suck without you. Just kidding, but we do spend an inordinate amount of time together).

Yay! Anoop! I actually feel a little bad for Jorge. He seems nice enough, if a bit creepy.

Top 13 - AKA Gingko Biloba

I write from a prone position on my big yellow couch. It is hard to type this way. Lil Rounds was just up and while I still think she will win, I was not too excited about her singing this song. Plus, her makeup made her look cross-eyed and her outfit was hideous. But, it ain't no body's bidness.

Who started the whole finger waving thing? I am going to have to watch the first season again. Why does it piss me off so royally? Maybe it is annoying to me because I don't vote.

Scott MacIntyre is the pride of Scottsdale? Is his brother named Dale? Can we puhleaze do something about his fro? Snore. This song is borrrring. Everyone thinks he is so great, but blah. I am snoozing. He should sing in those new Comcast commercials. They are boring, too. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is in the audience. Is this fare safe for her republican fetus?

Okay, Danny Gokey was a top contender. After his PYT, he IS the top contender. (Though I agree with Simon that he can't dance).

Michael Sarver is either flat or simply just under each note. It is like he almost hits the notes, but just falls short. Excuse me while I continue the nap I started while listening to Scott.

I hope someone sings "Smile". Jasmine Murray is so cute and has a nice voice, but something is missing and I don't know what it is.

Kris Allen. I am still sleeping. Randy is channeling Paula. He said "Very well job done, baby!" And the wife looked pissed when Simon said that Kris should have kept her under wraps longer.

Allison Iraheta could have put more emotion into this song. This is a great song for a more mature person. She sang the song okay, but missed the point altogether.

Anoop Desai rules. I think he would have sang this better 1/2 an octave lower. He should have sung Smile.

Jorge Nunez is creeping me out.

Megan Joy Corkrey looks a little like Belinda Carlisle and Reese Witherspoon in addition to the Aussie Real World chick and Johnny Depp's woman. But she has no business being in this competition. "Caw, Caw"? Has she ever heard a robin before?

Adam Lambert. Dislike. Not excited to have him shriek at me some more. Too bad they already made Dream (Scream) girls. Maybe he can be in the sequel and win an ill gotten Academy Award, too. Bah! This guy is going to stick around forever just because I hate him. Why do they love him so?

Why does Ryan know what a hurkey is?

Matt Giraud, aka Sloth, aka li'l JT sings a great song. That was great. Here is a Baby Ruth for you!

Ooh, Dirty Diana. I love this song. Man, I forgot how great some MJ songs are. Alexis Grace is rocking this!

My bottom three:

Likely bottom three:

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Wild Card

I am tired. It is late and I have a meeting and watching three hours of AI is hard, even for me. I am gonna minimize my involvement tonight. No alogorithm for you today.

There are three slots and eight singers. Seriously, what got into Paula? She looks hot and put together. Maybe I am the one falling apart.

Jesse Langseth would look hotter without that ugly ass sweater. Sucky song. Why is she wearing camel boots with a black dress? Those crazy gingers. She is out. Sad, because she can sing.

I think it is funny that Simon tells people that they are too indulgent in their performances. Irony? I'm self indulgent, Simon. Come yell at me. :)

Sloth: He is such a boy bander. He needs to lay off the riffs because without them, he would be awesome. But is he one sided in only being able to sing bluesy stuff? He needs more experience and he could be pretty great.

Why does Kara look like a school teacher?

Megan Joy Corkrey: She dances funny. I bet her little boy dances the same. I think she is better than she has demonstrated here so far. She cheeses it up too much for me to take her seriously.

Ugh. Here comes Von. Ha! I have to laugh. His song starts out with "What have I got to do to make you love me?" That is funny, considering how much I dislike him. I can't stand how he dislocates his jaw to sing high notes. Yay, Simon thinks he is boring.

Jasmine Murray: Damn, I don't think she is as talented as I thought she was during auditions. Maybe she just needs some training and experience. She is only 16. She deserved the second chance, but she ought to go home now.

Braddy: He actually has a great voice. Crap. I don't think I liked him before. Now he is winning me over. Yeah, I like him.

Crazy McWacky: Why is her accent suddenly much stronger? I think she listened to them lauding Jorge for his accent. She has a great voice. With Lindsay settling into domestic bliss with Sam and Britney staying on her meds, we need a new crazy in pop music. Let's let her win! She did affect the accent! Ha! She is sooo crazy!!! She is still using the weirdo accent. I don't think the judges like her. Too bad. I would like to see her move on with the show.

Anoop Desai: YAY! I love you! Even with that lame ass green knit tie. He is so awesome.

My choices for top three:
Anoop Desai
Ricky Braddy
Tatiana Del Toro

Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop

Judges choices:
Jasmine Murray
Megan Joy Corkrey (bye crazy Tatiana!)
MANG! The DVR quit before I found out the last person. Off to
Matt Giraud
AND? Anoop Desai!!! Well, top twelve turned into lucky thirteen for me! ANOOP!

Results of final set of 12

I said that Lil Rounds, Jorge Nunez, and Kendall Beard were my top three. Let's see whether America agrees with me or not. Paula looks great. She was on her game during the last show. What is up?

Really? Katy Perry as their group song? They don't even sound that bad. Kendall needs to stop performing for the Miss America pageant. They ended it on a pageanty note. I hate the group songs.

blah blah blah. Make cuts already. I don't want to waste anymore time on the people who are going home.

Will they make others stand up with Lil Rounds? Nope. It was obvious that she was going through. I love her. I could see her winning the whole thing.

I think Scott is going through. I am not too very excited about this. They are getting rather formulaic in how they let people go. I can totally guess who is going to the top twelve. See? I would not buy his cd.

Last one. I think it will be Jorge. But yay, Von is going away, barring any wild card crap. That sucks that he brings Ju'Not and Jorge down to the center of the stage because one has to walk back to his seat. That one being Ju'Not. I like how Scott's brother gets to be on the show all the time to help him get around.

I wondwer who the eight who get to sing again will be. Lemme guess... (these are based partially on my hopes, but also on my perception of what the judges seemed to like).

In no particular order:
Ju'not Joyner
Kendall Beard
Jasmine Murray
Megan Joy Corkrey
Kai Kalama
Mishavonna Henson
Anoop Desai- Yay! Noop Dawg
Ricky Braddy Crap. I knew they loved him. Not me so much.

FRACK! They picked Von Smith. The Kewpie doll. I hate him. ACK!

Whaa? They picked the crazy? I am confused, but secretly elated to see Tatiana "el pollo loco" Del Toro picked.

They picked Sloth? (Matt Giraud). I 'spose I am okay with this.

Jesse Langseth. I wanted to put her in my list, but did not think they would choose her. I am glad.

(Pick Anoop! Noop!) YES!!!

50% right... Hmph.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Last group of 12

Dude, seriously. I just worked for 9 hours and it is 1:43 am and I need to get my AI fix? Ugh, I just saw Adam and gagged a little. Crap, we have to witness him on this show. I hope he gets voted off soon.

There is not one person I want to make it through from this group.

Von Smith: This first guy is ridiculous. Have hated him from the initial audition. Blech. He even looks like a turd with that ridiculous Kewpie hairstyle. His manic smile is reminiscent of Tom Cruise. Scary. What the hell is this song? Please America, forget about the number 1 for a few hours and let this boy go back home to annoy his locals. I am not on par with these judges. I was so in sync with Simon last year. What's wrong with them? 0 singing, -.7 outfit, -.3 personality, -.6 looks, finger waving -1.5 (he gets an extra .5 because he waggled his head around like a moron and because I really dislike him and may be attacking him a little unfairly because I am tired but not sleepy). Final Score: -3.1

I saw "Escape to Witch Mountain" when I was little and was enamored with little Kim Richards. Now they made "Race to Witch Mountain" and I simply don't recall the Witch Mountain line being about aliens. I don't recall anything really except that Tia (Kim Richards) had realllllly long hair and the kids had special powers. Hmm. I have been enamored by AnnaSophia Robb since I first saw her in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I just hope she manages to not follow in the footsteps of her predecessor and become the aunt to the most ridiculous heirass (yeah, I spelled that right).

Taylor Vaifanua: I think I need to add performance to the algorithm. The squats that people keep doing along with the winks and squints and various odd facial movements need to graded. Aw, she is kind of cute with her crying. 0 singing, -.4 outfit, .3 personality, -.2 looks, finger waving -.9 (she got .1 sliced off because she was genuinely cute in her finger flashing. Not as a cute as Jordan from 2 seasons ago who always flashed a heart with her fingers after the numbers). Final Score: -1.2.

Alex Wagner- Trugman: He could be Michael Cera's bro. His singing is a little weird and rough. I wish he sang it normal instead of trying to do all this weird stuff which I am sure he felt macho'd it up and made him seem more grown up. But it is weird! -.9 singing, -.2 outfit , 1 personality, 0 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -1.1 (But he's a doll).

Arianna Afsar: Maybe it was her that I saw that resembles Isla Fisher, 'cause she sort of does. This song sucks. I feel like she only sings it well when she is belting. Even then she is a bit off. -.5 singing, 0 outfit , .7 personality, .8 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 0

Ju'not Joyner: I kind of dig his version of Hey There Delilah, but his vibrato is kind of wigging me out. Still he injects energy into parts of his singing of this song and that is good. I wish he could have done it throughout the whole song. I feel like Kara was really into it by the way she was swaying her shoulders all sexy-like at him. .6 singing, -.2 outfit , .8 personality, .2 looks, finger waving - 1.1 (he gets this score because I don't think he waved fingers, but he did wave and then made phone signs and said we should call him). Final Score: 0.3

In the Nationwide commercial in which a guy hit an old couple's car and the woman beats her with his purse, the woman's voice sounds just like Felicity Huffman's.

Kristen McNamara: Ugh, I don't really like her either. She could have been cast in Love American Style back in the day looking exactly as she does today (though I loved that show, I still don't like her). Maybe she looks like the blonde sister on Too Close for Comfort. I hate how these people make all those weird faces at the camera. There is no connection to the emotion behind the song. .2 singing, -1 outfit (that is one hideous dress. She says she is twenty three and the dress makes her look like she has old broad boobies. The colour is high-rendous and the flower epaulets are confusing. Great, there goes the sight in my right eye) , .2 personality, -.7 looks, finger waving 1. Final Score: -0.3. Crap. Now I like her after she just said that she had no dress style. "I was always the girl wearing stretch pants with ... the bow on my head. I always looked crazy." Dang, I have to change the personality from -.2 to .2. Dang.

By the way, she looks JUST like the girl from Too Close for Comfort. See for yourself...

Nathaniel Marshall: Ugh, they just keep getting worse! This guy... Ugh. Ugh, he is singing Meatloaf. My butt cheeks could sing this better and even they would refrain from doing it because this song sucks. Gosh, he is still singing. Man, this is the WORST group. He is wearing skinny jeans. Now I am blind in my left eye, too. Ha! He tried to do the drum hand slam thingy were he makes a gesture like he is making that final drum smash sound. (That was a lot of explanation, but you got it, right?) Anyhoo... He totally was too early. Ha. -.5 singing, -1 outfit , -.6 personality, -.9 looks, finger waving 1 (Ryan took him to the judge's table to torment Simon and he therefore did not get the opportunity to wave his little fingers). Final Score: -0.8 Damn, there is something I could like about this kid. Mostly it would emerge if he could just tone it down a bit.

Felicia Barton: This girl is only in because Joanna got booted. She is a girl who adds H's to all of her words. She suh-hounds li-hike she is yohodelling. But she has that raspiness I love, ala P!nk. .3 singing, -.3 outfit , .5 personality, .3 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -0.2

Scott MacIntyre: I am curious about this boy. He has a Josh Groban-y style, which I don't like so much. But with the right type of music, maybe it would be pretty...? Oh, that high note was a bad choice. He sings the words too precisely. He needs wayyyy more practice. Whoa, the judges are being beyond nice. I don't think he is good enough to be here. -.7 singing, .6 outfit , .6 personality, 0 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -0.5

Kendall Beard: Okay, she is kind of cute. My cat is singing along with her. She has a nice voice. I would like to hear something else from her. She hits some notes flat every now and then and the song was not too exciting. But I would like to see what else she can do. .2 singing, 1 outfit , .6 personality, .5 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 1.3

Jorge Nunez: He has a beautiful vibrato. Was he singing in Spanish there for a second? I think he is eating the microphone. He could use an eyebrow wax. He sings okay, except when he tried to be fancy. .6 singing, 0 outfit , .7 personality, -.8 looks, finger waving 1 Final Score: 1.5

Lil Rounds: Last one, thank God! She enjoyed Kansas Ceety. I kind of like her. Let's see what she's got! Wow, she actually looks and sounds like she's been doing this for a while. Oh, no. They just flashed up to the others and Kendall Beard demonstrated she ain't got no rhythm. Dang, Lil just nailed it. Perfect song. She sang, "Call this show if you can't be without me". 1 singing, .8 outfit , 1 personality, .8 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 2.6

Final Count:

Lil Rounds: 2.6
Jorge Nunez: 1.5
Kendall Beard: 1.3
Ju'not Joyner: 0.3
Arianna Afsar: 0
Felicia Barton: -0.2
Kristen McNamara: -0.3.
Scott MacIntyre: -0.5
Nathaniel Marshall: -0.8
Alex Wagner- Trugman: -1.1
Taylor Vaifanua: -1.2.
Von Smith: -3.1