This one is dedicated to Mary.

I just could not bring myself to watch the show last night. I was too tired and busily breeding fish on the Fish Tycoon app on my iPhone.

Why is Simon's hair getting more square (literally and figuratively, I guess). Does his stylist really think it is a good look, or does Simon demand it and the stylist just sighs and cuts (or, uh, doesn't cut)?

Geez, what is wrong with Allison's hair/clothes/shoes. Ack. I must be getting old, because that horrifies me.

Dude, is Ryan Seacrest human? Does he sleep? He looks a bit like a goldfish to me, and fish don't seem to sleep, either. He must have a gazillion jobs. (insert some inappropriate comment about his love life here).

ANOOP! Singing Usher and channelling Michael Jackson. Curious. Golly (I am trying this word on for size...), I love Anoop Desai. Ew, but he is visually raping the camera and I dislike that. Did I ever tell you about the time my friend M and I saw Lionel Richie and she stuck her hand up for him to touch and he touched and touched and touched. At first I was like, woooo! Lionel Richie! Then I was like whoa, Lionel Richie. Stop hand raping my friend. Which sounds way worse than it was, but it was a little weird.

Ha, Kara just said that it felt like a bunch of frat boys dared Anoop to sing Usher and then they showed a bunch of frat boys shaking their heads. Funny.

What is Megan Joy still doing here? She is actually beginning to make me crazy. Did I tell you guys I got a scooter? It is so cute and I rode it around last night. I am a little scared I am going to be a squashed bug on someone's windshield. I really don't want to die in a Fox 5 newsworthy way. Sigh, Megan is still singing. She wants to give me good lovin'. I would be satisfied with her just going away. She always looks a bit out of her element. I can't figure out why she wants to do this.

Is there a theme to this show? Is it sucking? Ha, I am so funny. Just kidding. I like Danny Gokey's voice. This song is a little boring, but he made me not fast forward through it. Aw, he looks like he really got into the emotion of that song. I appreciate that.

I think all the cat hair in this dang place is starting to affect my keyboard. Bill stay off of my computer.

Dude, Allison grew up hearing "Don't Speak" by No Doubt. Geez, I am old. She looks more like Cyndi Lauper, who I grew up listening to. Hmm, I am not really into this version. She is trying too hard.

The audience just likes to boo for the sake of booing. Kara gave Allison a great compliment in saying that she does not need to dress like a fool because she has the skills that don't need a costume. They booed this? They would prefer she sucks and gets to wear her ugly ensembles? And Paula tried to be all cool and call the guitar an axe. I know that it is called that, but by Paula Abdul?

I know what Simon Cowell was doing at sixteen. He was being booted out of schools, 16 in all.

Ugh, here comes Scott. Singing Billy Joel. Cliche alert. Ugh. I went to a church service once where the organist played all the songs really slowly and my mom and aunt tried to sing the songs faster, but no one helped them get the organist on track and we spent an awfully long time singing hymns. I think that Scott was that organist. Paula is proud that Scott makes us forget his challenge and I say, yes. Let's forget about his challenge and stop keeping him around.

Oh Sloth, I am not certain about this. It just sounded weird. Not quite right. I feel like he could have picked a better song. Matt Giraud does not look like he handles disappointment well.

Oh, no. Lil Rounds is singing Celine Dion. I have a bad feeling about this. As much as I am not a fan of CD, child can sing. I might have to rescind my thought that Lil could win the whole thing. Jeepers, make this stop. Her notes are piercing me straight through my brain. Hey, Lil... Loud does not equal good.

Man, I am bored. This is usually where I start petering out on the show. I won't this time, because I feel an obligation to Mary to keep up with my brilliant observations.

Oh my gosh, I just got teary-eyed when Lil's little one hugged Randy.

I am about to get teary-eyed for another reason. Adam Lambert is up and I tend to cry when I puke. Oh, and you people were right, he was wayyy more k.d. Lang than Elvis. He is embracing the look. I can actually feel my nerves freaking the hell out when he is singing. My whole body rejects this crap. I don't think acid is strong enough to wash this experience off of me.

Oh, I thought we were done, but that guy is still on the show. He is going to sing Bill Withers? I love that song.


Bottom 3:
Megan Joy
Scott MacIntyre
Lil Rounds

Going home:
Megan Joy
Or Scott. I was listening to the recap and he too makes the bile rise in my throat.