Friday, May 28, 2010

Simon says buh-bye

I lost interest halfway through the season. But I am back to see off my boy Simon.

Seacrest says that the race is tight between the two finalists. But when he asks the crowd to cheer for each one, the noise is way louder for Lee. I, however, already know that the chick won because of the awesome way that AI always runs over into the next show and I DVR all of my shows. So, thanks for that, Fox.

We start off with another crappy group song from the top ten. That bass player is hot. Wait, those Alice Cooper kids are cool. Hey, Alice Cooper? Awesome. Are Wayne and Garth gonna pop out, too? (I hear they are friends with the Coop).

Seriously, that bassist looks like what I imagine Taylor Momsen (Gossip Girl) thinks she looks like.

Hey, it's that guy from last season. I still can't remember his name. He is so unremarkable. Apparently the AI people think so, too, as they left the mics on during the beginning of his song, so we can hear Seacrest talk to the director. Oops. I wonder if That Guy is still married to his little blonde girl. I always feel like people who were married before becoming famous never stay married to that person. But he is still wearing his ring. Yup, still married, according to IMDB. Impressive.

Ooh, a Simon retrospective. Let's see how his Monchichi hairstyle has evolved over the years...

WOW. Seacrest and Randy are bad actors, and I am not paring homage to Michael Jackson here. Yikes. That little pseudo-celebration was hokey. I guess they did it on purpose to avoid the wrath of the Simon Cowell. Still.

Ugh, I forgot how bad this season was. I had selective amnesia. Everyone basically sucked. I feel like I am on a cheap cruise being forced to suffer through the "entertainment" in order to get at the free buffet and drink my face off. (Though, vicious circle? Bad entertainment=drinking more?).

Ooh! BeeGees! Damn, they can't hit their signature notes anymore. We need Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon to save the day.

Michael McDonald got old. Hmm, guess that happens. I hate that because I don't feel like I am getting older, yet he was old when I loved him as a little person. He sounds sooo good. He looks good, too. We'll just ignore the awkward hand grab/release thing the two Michaels did at the end.

Now it is time for the insult song. I have one, too.

(Sing to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star).

This show is pretty stupid now, as we say bye to Simon Cowell.
What will next season look like, without the snark of that British guy?
(Poetic license in effect!)
Who cares? No one will see.
At least I can guarantee it won't be me.

Maybe I will not be following in Kara's footsteps and become a songwriter.

Are they trying to make Dane Cook relevant again? Remember when he was kind of funny? I saw him with Jen at the Improv and we laughed and clapped, and hi-fived the guys we shared a table with. I even have a signed comedy CD from him. Now I hide it.

The people are rhythmic clapping? Ugh. I hate that. Oh no! Muffin top attack. Is that the girl from Manassas? Yikes. Oh, the nauseating camera rip away from the creeps on stage. Maybe they were trying to say that Dane fit in with the creepy AI Castaways. Glad that's over.

Dude, the cleave is out on these ladies. Holy smokes. They are singing Christina's "Beautiful" and I guess they are like, and if you don't think I am beautiful, at least check out my rack. But that is a hard song to sing, and they did not sing it well.

Geez, who is their choreographer?

Oh, I would not be singing with Christina Aguilera. No way. That child could make anyone sound bad. She has the most talented singing voice I have ever heard. I am judging the hell out of her though for her hair and outfit. Wouldn't this sad ballad have earned a pretty dress? It looks like she forgot part of her costume and the way the tights and the bodysuit come together, it accentuates that part where the leg goes into the hip and it looks so weird.

Ricky Gervais!! Yay. Hmm, jokes fell flat. Oops. Is Ricky a vampire? He has the longest canines I have ever seen.

I like Lee. He has a great voice and that little bit of rasp that I adore. I'd rather he win. (Not that I am invested). Maybe Crystal can afford a dentist now. Though, did Bo Bice ever fix his jacked up mouth? This choreography is sooooo awkward. I feel weird watching them. Embarrassed. It seems like all the older singers are losing their upper registers. They can't quite get those higher notes. Sad. Otherwise they sound great. I love Hall and Oates. Especially the clapping songs like Private Eyes *clap* are watching you *clap clap*. Good to see that Oates got dressed up for the occasion in his finest red flannel.

Man, I am having some serious flashbacks. they are taking me through my entire life, musically. HA! They have Alanis out there and they changed the lyrics to "Would she go down with you to the theatre". Awesome. Hahaha. How come Alanis always looks like she is about to chomp down on the microphone like a T-Rex? Love her.

The two finalists got to keep their customized cars from Ford (I own stock in Ford so I am happy about this kind of thing). But that exchange was awkward. Crystal tried to celebrate with Lee and he basically blew her off. And then the energy level was -99. Weirdos.

AI is having some serious audio issues. What was up with the random guitar strumming during that boy who Kara has a crush on's song? Aw, all of my former acid wash jeans wearing girlfriends are flipping out. Bret, this is your year, dude. (Good and bad.) Just like you are singing, "every rose has it's thorn". Go on with yer bad self. And lay off the tanner.

They are delving into Simon's loves, or his flirting. I am offended. He loves ME! He tells me on AI the Wii game. Though if he in all honesty, kissing with his mouth wide open like he is going to ingest your face, I am going to have to break up with him.

Excellent. They choreographed a dance for "Pants on the Ground". That old man is a better dancer than all of the contestants combined. But he is singing "Git your pants on the ground". Isn't that going against the whole message? What on Earth is William Hung attempting to sing. That was a very confusing number.

They have this big send off for Simon, but they just kick Paula off? Seems kind of crappy to me. She shows a lot of style by being on this show and being so gracious. Good to see she is still a little loopy.

Kelly! She must have inherited that necklace from Paula. How on earth did Fantasia win? Compared to the other winners, her voice is crazy. (And not good crazy). Taylor Hicks is a curious winner, too. And where the heck is David Cook?

Simon actually gave a standing O. That's a first. And could his shirt be any more unbuttoned? Maybe he got a belly button piercing and wants the world to accidentally see it. Why did Paula join Simon on stage? It's weird. Like when people bring their kids up who then stand awkwardly to the side.

I am using the words "weird" and "awkward" a lot. Hmm.

Is it just me, or does Janet sound just like Michael? I love her hair. She looks fabulous even dressed like Stevie Nicks. I am going to fast forward through the rest of the song though. Bored. Oh, she gets a second song. Yay. I love Rhythm Nation. (Even though it took me three tries to spell AND then it is not even Rhythm Nation. It's Nasty. Dang.) She is loving the lace cut out sides of her jumpsuit because all of her posing is so we can see it. Does she have a bow on her butt? What is that? Oh, ha. It's her mic.

I really don't care about why these two should be the next American Idol. They are as impressive to me as that guy who won last year.

Okay, here we go. We find out the winner. It's... SIMON COWELL! What? Yeah, have you seen the cars he drives? This show made him a winner for sure! The singing winner is... (Lee looks like he gonna puke) .... what? Lee won? Yay. I thought I saw Crystal win. You tricked me, Fox. Or shall I say you outFoxed me. (Ha).

I think it is mean that they have to sing when they are so emotional. No one can do that well.

Okay, bye Simon.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Will I be lost without it?

Live blogging the last episode of Lost!

I am wondering if I am going to be happy with the wrap up of this convoluted show. If it is a dream, I am gonna be pissy about it.

I kind of want to see sideways Ben get together with Danielle Rousseau and be step-dad to Alex.

Matthew Fox lives up to his name. Yum. He wants to stop doing TV and focus on films. I think he is more of a television actor. I don't really see him in film. Just my opinion.

Oh, we are going to find out who Shepherd's ex-wife/baby mama is. I wonder if they will go with Julie Bowen. Nope. Well! Juliet. Wait until Sawyer finds out.

Okay, wow. I had big plans of writing about the end of this series I committed six years of my life to. But... I have nothing to say. Nothing. Really? They're all dead? That's the best the could come up with? Bah. Boring. Besides, wouldn't everyone on that plane be in the church? And who was playing Jack's son? Was it some kid who died on the plane?

More unanswered questions. But my response is the same as to the finale. Whatever.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Holy crap!

I am half hour into Grey's Anatomy season finale and I am basically freebasing adrenaline. My heart is racing. I am shaky. I feel like I am in that hospital with them.

***Spoiler Alert***

The gunman just pulled Dr. Bailey from under the bed. My hands were already over my ears as I heard the Shrek-like doctor beg for his life and get shot. Then I commenced hyperventilating along with Miranda as I feared his bullets would find a home in her as well. I already have a fear that they are going to take out Meredith Grey. (I read in TV Guide that she wants out and that they are going to make the Grey in the title be Lexie).

Hot damn, Grey's Anatomy! You have made this show exciting again. This season has been so boring. Way to nail the finale (at least 30 of the 120 minutes so far!). Oh, it's on again. Be back soon.

Oh no! He found Derek! What's gonna happen?
I'm scared that he is patronizing him. Or that Meredith is going to screw it up. Nope. It's the silly doctor girl. Oof. Right in the heart. Sheet. Dang. Where will I get my Patrick Dempsey fix now?

Ooh, silly doctor girl is smart. She is humanizing herself so he can't kill her. Smart.

Hmm, the gunman backed off because he saw the SWAT team enter? I call bs on that. He was out to get Derek and nothing was going to stop him. He shot at least 3 doctors, a nurse, and a guard prior to getting to him. He would not have backed off because of the coppers. He was on a mission. He had him in his hand.

Aw crap. Silly doctor girl heard her life saving info from Oprah? Stinkin' Oprah. Always coming through to save the day.

He was going to take out Lexie? Now she is going to feel guilt forever. Wonder how that will be manifested in the next season.

Okay, the SWAT guy shot him. Those guys are expert marksmen. Why is he shot in the shoulder? They missed all vital organs and bone. Okay, maybe not bone, but important stuff fer sure. That is almost the most innocuous place on the body to hit. That is just stupid. They shoot to kill and nothing else. That guy had time to wave Lexie out of the way, while the shooter lay on the floor. I call BS again.

Gary Clark? That's the shooter's name? Sorry former Redskin. That's a sucky legacy there.

(Sidenote: I just saw a commercial for the series finale of Lost. Now that the show is done, Josh Holloway can finally cut his lame-o mullet.)

I wonder what the final body count is gonna be on this episode? We lost Dr. Pixie (Reed). That's it, so far. Uh oh. Dr. Webber just went in. He is definitely gonna be a goner.

Did Ellen Pompeo have a nose job at some point? She has that perfect plastic surgeon's nose. Slim bridge, slight upturn at the tip. Just curious.

Chandra Wilson (Bailey) is not a pretty cryer. She is not an ugly cryer either. She is a great actor, though. I don't know when how people cry became an item of import to me. Katherine Heigl was a pretty cryer. Diane Lane=not a pretty cryer. I want to stab her when she cries. (Sorry)

Back to the show: So sexy Scotsman Kevin McKidd (Dr. Owen Hunt) is on the scene. Is it me, or does he seem assholey when he talks to Meredith? When he walks into the OR, I think he is having a PTSD moment. I paused it, so I don't know if the shooter is there for real, or if I am right. But if he is there, how the heck did he get in without silly doctor girl noticing him? Let's find out. (un-pause).

I think it is PTSD. I think that Cristina is just freaking out. Hmm. Wait. I may be wrong. (What? I guess there is a first time for everything). Dang. The PTSD just shot Owen! (Ellen Pompeo cries pretty).

Oh, Dr. Sexy Eyes is smart, not just a pretty face. He may have saved Derek's life.

Meanwhile, back with Dr. Bailey, Mandy Moore, and Dr. Shrek. He's dying. It's sad. It's gonna be one of those things where he dies right before the saviors (SWAT) come and say they are safe to be moved. I hate that. AND he is saying to find Dr. Pixie (Reed) and tell her that he had a crush on her and I am yelling to the screen that they will find each other in the light though she may be just as tasteless there. How do they get actors to be so pale, when they die? Do they airbrush them?

Aw man. Gary Clark has another victim. Meredith is having a miscarriage. Brutal. Kick us while we are down, why doncha, Shonda? (Then a commercial for the news in which they mention Brett Michaels who has been in the hospital for a brain hemorrhage. I thought he may have been another victim. But he just had a stroke. Dude. What where you doing in the 80's/90's?)

Here comes the gun law PSA. (And no I don't think people should be able to just go and buy a gun. I also think ammo should be harder to come by.)

Man, Webber is a sexy man. Seriously. And he is keeping to his AA promise. Good for you, Dr. Webber! NO! Don't drink it!! Pouring it out. Well played, sir.

At the beginning of the show, Derek said he wished someone would shove something down his throat so he could see the inside of an OR. I thought, be careful of what you wish for!

Oh gosh, how in love I am with Callie and Arizona. Yay! Just yay. That is a sweet relationship and I am glad it is staying together.

One last thing, in regards to Meredith's pregnancy. Is it just me, or did she forget to remove the sticker from the pregnancy test? It just looked like the pregnancy was a sticker. I dunno. Shows over. That was a hell of a ride. Good show. I will be back next season, simply based on this episode. Well played! (And they got rid of two characters I was not too fond of, so there's that, too.)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


Why is it that a man can sit still and allow his lady to give him a massage for six hours, but when it's his turn to give the massage, it turns into two shoulder squeezes, then full body contact commences in a non-massage-inal type of way.

Rules of Engagement (CBS) covered this issue well tonight. And they also handled the fact that when men don't want to do something that a woman is forcing them to do, they do it so poorly that the woman will never again ask them to complete that task.

Seriously, I think they hand out a book to men in grade school that teaches them how to get out of doing stuff.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Canon 5D Mark II

They shot the season finale of House (Fox) with the Canon 5D Mark II. You can tell straight from the gorgeous opening close up shots. That camera does macro so beautifully. It is a DSLR (digital single lens reflex), which is not generally considered for use as a video camera, but this one shoots fabulously! See this short and the making of it.

The nice thing about this camera is that it is small and that you can change the lenses. But what stinks is that you need to have it connected to some sort of rigging to keep the picture steady.

Geez, the color and the lighting is so beautiful. The depth of field is fantastic. I am in love.

This is the camera I want. It is about $3K for just the body which is a lot for me, but pennies when you consider the budget of a television show like House. They should get me one since I am writing about them here. Or maybe Canon should give me one and I will make movies for them to show on their website. After all, I have always been a Nikon SLR girl. I have a D60 and N6006, but after doing research, I have firmly settled on the Canon. (You know, when I have loads of money someday.) You hear that Mr. Adachi? I'm a film student, on the precipice of greatness. You can be the one I thank at the Academy Awards ceremony in 2017. Or you, David Shore, you can be the one I allow to help me produce my super awesome TV show that I will tell you about after you give me this great gift of the camera.

Say cheese!


What is up with Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen)'s hair? Those are the worst extensions I have ever seen. They are like the pieces of lint that I yank forcibly from the dryer vent, or possibly whatever a long haired girl might have a plumber remove from her stopped up tub drain. Ew.

AND! the child is a sixteen year old actress playing a fifteen year old girl. What is going on with her boobs? They look like old cougar boobs, all squished up into her armpits. I don't get it. Are they fake? Is she heavily cutletted? Why the massive cleave on the tyke? She is truly the first young cougar I have ever seen.

What's with this show? These kids are all teenagers, yet they get carded less than I do. Yes, I realize Manhattan is a different world, but their parents seem to be free in the pouring of alcohol as well.

My niece is the same age as the Gossip Girl characters. She had better not be doing this stuff.