Sunday, March 29, 2009

If that is motherhood, I am IN

I am "live" blogging from the pilot episode of "In the Motherhood". Let's see what we think of this show. Forgive me if this is disjointed as I am writing as I watch.

OH NO! Karen from Will & Grace just said that if you don't use your goods, they seal up after a ten months!

Okay, four minutes in and I am hooked, line and sinker....

Uh, is that Horacio Sanz? Wow, he lost weight. He looks great! Wow.

Karen from W&G is saying she is fifty (Whaa?) and then that she is already menopausal. Please tell me women are not menopausal at 50. Are they? Is fifty old? Dude, I am screwed. I suppose I must be pre-menopausal. Yikes. Dude, and she is like 50? Really? OMG! I just looked her up on IMDB and she IS 50! Damn! She is hot. You know what? I think 50 is no longer old. Women are looking damn fine these days.

This third date thing is not really expected is it? I have been hearing a lot about that whole third date thingy on TV lately (thank you, Gary Unmarried). But, well, I guess it is not something I need to worry about as I can't seem to get past the second date.

I think I could love this show, but mostly because I love Megan (fifty is nifty) Mullally and Cheryl Hines. (They remind me of my girls).

I'm gonna make you my special lady

Does anyone watch the Showtime show "The United States of Tara"? I love this. I have always been fascinated by Multi-personality disorder. While I find it bizarre, I have never questioned the possibility of the reality of this disorder. When I go to the dentist and know I have a painful and tedious procedure to endure, I go to a different place in my head. Imagine dealing with a horribly traumatic event every single day. The whole dissociative disorder makes complete sense to me.

The show is written by Diablo Cody and I am impressed with her departure from "Juno". I was worried that she would not be able to produce something different enough from the witty reparte' that she demonstrated in Juno that would keep her interesting and current, but here I am.

Tara has gone off of her medication in order to get a grip of her alters. She has a new one, "gimme". Gimme is a a personification of her id. This feral aspect of her personality seems to me as a step closer to understanding the issues that brought Tara to this place. I cannot wait to see how things develop. Tara is getting to the point where she is experiencing things along with her alters. To me this seems as a step towards Tara losing her alters and just living her life as Tara.

In any case, this show is brilliant. The acting is fantastic and the story is great.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Called it.

I like results shows because I can fast forward through most of the shows' posturing and the ridiculous group song. Ech. I don't need to deal with all of Ryan's chatter, so I fast forward until I see who the bottom three are and who goes home. Enough for me. Maybe I am missing some clever musings, but I doubt it.

Season two winner is here? Clay Aiken?

I think that Paula flashed the "loser" sign at Ryan. I thought she was beefing with Simon. I still think they do occasionally get a room.

Man, Ruben's sweating puts Whitney Houston's to shame. Here I thought she held the crown for onstage sweating. I guess everyone gets dethroned eventually. One time, I went to NYC and saw Rent. Ruben and Clay were in the audience, just a few rows from me. They went to see Frenchie who was on AI with them. Clay: super social. Wandered through the crowd and chatted with people. Ruben snuck through the back after the show started. Because he is soooooo famous.

Sloth is bottom three? I bet it is because those jeans he wore demonstrated too much of his "talent". We are just not ready for that kind of exposure from you.

What a sucky walk that must be... To the loser chairs.

Is anyone else a little disturbed by the duet with Joss Stone and Smokey Robinson? He looks like an overeager old man whose overt advances on a young girl don't matter because he is just so old; yet if she let him, he would slobber all over her. Ew. (He's not even that old). Joss is feeding into it. Not helping. But British girls are crazy.

Megan Joy must be paying people to call for her. And enough with the sympathy vote already.

Hey! They did not do a group song. But they did bring out Stevie Wonder. When I see him, I think of the episode of The Cosby Show he was on. He still sounds great. Sad about his hair, though. Soon those braids will be two pigtails, the way his bald spot is growing.

Ugh, as if I needed more ammunition, the Screecher is dancing to Stevie like a hula dancer on Ecstasy. Ugh. Oh, awkward dancing, Megan. Awkward!

Aw, Michael will be okay. He seems like such a nice fella. Plus, his daughter will be happy to have him back home. Maybe it is guttural interpretation of the song that made us all mad. Whatever, bye.

I am gonna post this before the judges vote because they ain't saving him.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Holy Crap

Here we go again. Why is this show 2 hours long? I had better crack open a nice pinot grigio.

What is on the back of Paula's shoes that makes her walk like a chihuahua when you put socks on it's feet? Randy just said that it was hard to see Alexis go. I think it was because he wanted Allison to go. (Remember? When pressed, he said that of Alexis and the screecher, Allison would be the one to go home).

Aw, Scott's brother does not get to guide him anymore.

Wow, they got to go to Hitsville? That is so cool. I would love to get the stories of the history of Motown. Man, then they get to sing with Smokey Robinson. Can you imagine? I would be too awestruck to be able to complete a sentence, much less a song.

I always wanted to have a hot neighbor and just happen to be playing "Let's get it on" whenever he came home. But I never got a hot neighbor and I don't think Sloth's pants should be THAT tight when he sings this. However, maybe it is how he reaches them there high notes. I like him. He seems like a nice kid.

Oh, it's that guy. He is still on the show... I actually like his voice. But I forget about him as soon as he is off the screen. (Hmm, Paula's bangs are shellacked in place. They don't move at all). Simon just said that he is not conceited enough. I just think he is booooorrring. Seriously! He is so forgettable that during the commercials, I forgot what show I was watching.

Scott is wearing pink pants. I thought he could see a little... He says he is single. The pink pants are not going to help. I think he is going to make this song boring. Let's see... Ugh. He should sing the theme song for Miss America and leave it at that. ENOUGH ALREADY! Holy crap. What is he doing to this song? This is worse than awful. Oh I feel something, Paula. It is bile in my throat.

Oh snap! Paula just gave Simon crayons and a colouring book. Nice. Oh, and Scott says he did not know his pants were pink until right before the show. Seems the stylist is playing with him. Maybe the stylist is saying enough already, too.

Oh Megan. Let's hear you make this song sound like every other song you may ever sing. Wow, she is not hitting the notes very well. She looks a bit like Carrie Underwood today. Damn, she is flat. She does have the cocky that Simon wants out of that guy.

Man, Smokey is nice. I have to respect Randy Travis for not being super saccharinny. But Smokey said nice things about my boy Anoop. (Oops, I typed Anoops. Ha. An oops. Ha!) Wow, Noops can do a nice falsetto. Not one that makes me wish Freddie Krueger would shove a spike through my ear like he did to Johnny Depp. (Though look what it did for Johnny!)

Commercial break: I LOVE this McDonald's commercial. "Gimme back that fillet o'fish! Gimme that fish!" Brilliant!!!

Michael is singing "Ain't too Proud to Beg". Is that in a rap song? This is terrible. Man, they all suck. Send 'em all home and let Sloth and Lil battle it out. I just figured the song out that I was thinking of. "If I need it in the morning or the middle of the night, I ain't too proud to beg!" (TLC).

Oh Lil, I did not like that either. She was shrieking at me, and did it without managing to hit many of the notes. Why are they all off today?

I just saw Olivia Newton John! I like checking out the audience and playing who is famous.

Why is the screecher dressed to look Elvis? You ain't no Elvis. But if you were, I would like to hear that Elvis has left the building. Oh, I will concede he has talent, but I simply cannot stand him and I have suddenly forgotten his name. He grosses me out. I will have to bathe in acid now. And what's up Kara? This show ain't about you.

Danny Gokey will need to work on his stage presence. His voice is great, but he is soooo cheesy on stage. AND he totally disregarded Smokey's advice about singing the back-up. I wonder if that will anger his potential voters.

The way Allison is dressed, she looks like her papa was a rolling stone. Or a john. Yikes. This child can sing.

The best part of the show was Simon's application of a mustache on Paula. Ha.

My bottom three:
Scott, Megan, Michael.

Michael is going home.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Sucks watching when you already know who is booted.

Who is the scary harmonica player sitting on the edge of the stage? Is this his performance? They focus more on him than on Michael Sarver. I like Michael, but I can't see him winning this. His daughter (?) did not seem to like his performance.

I love the raspiness to Allison's voice. The next guy is so bland to me that I don't even recall his name. I love me some Lil Rounds. Honestly, this girl should just be removed from the show and given a contract.

Augh, I really dislike Adam Lambert. He skeeves me out. I know that everyone else seems to love him, but yuck. I am glad that Randy Travis seems to feel the same way I do. I always liked him. Ech, listening to him makes me feel contaminated. I wonder what spurs this visceral hatred from me. Ugh. Make it stop. Oh no, and he is wearing jeans with the exposed zipper. Tacky.

Scott MacIntyre is no good. Enough already.

I really like Alexis Grace, but I already know she is going home. I wish she would have connected to the desperation of the song more into her performance. It is a shame that Alexis is going already. I would think Scott or the guy whose name I can't recall should go before her.

Danny came out super weak, but he sold it. He engaged me enough to allow me to ignore the beginning. Plus, he is rather charming. I agree with Simon in regards to his outfit. That white jacket sucks.

ANOOP! J'adore. Dunno what it is about him that I find super appealing, but yay, Anoop! Sometimes Paula is super nerdy. But she looks good again. Anoop was great! The song could have gotten boring and he managed to keep it exciting and sweet.

Megan Joy. She is kind of one trick pony, like me when it comes to AI. Whoa... what is up with the boob sacks on that dress? Her twisty dance seems to be getting weirder, too. I think she is trying to reel it in, but forgets.

Sloth is really growing on me.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

13 minus 2

An HOUR to get rid of two?

They have a new rule that they can save a contestant based on some of the previous contestants too early dismissal. But if you look at Daughtry, Tamyra Gray, Jennifer Hudson (to my chagrin), they all have had successful careers. They don't really need the save. I bet they have had better success having been booted early than had they won the AI title.

Megan looks lost during this group song. This is embarrassing to watch. I wonder if it is as embarrassing to perform.

Jasmine is in the bottom group. Megan, too. But Jasmine is the one going home. This whole judge saving thing is a little cruel. Dash the poor kid's hope just one more time.

Anoop and Jorge are in the bottom group. I picked them all. I am proud of myself. Please send Jorge home.

KELLY! Squeeee! What the heck is she wearing and why am I starting to feel dirty whenever Ryan and Simon talk to each other? (I dedicate this song to you, American Idol. My life would suck without you. Just kidding, but we do spend an inordinate amount of time together).

Yay! Anoop! I actually feel a little bad for Jorge. He seems nice enough, if a bit creepy.

Top 13 - AKA Gingko Biloba

I write from a prone position on my big yellow couch. It is hard to type this way. Lil Rounds was just up and while I still think she will win, I was not too excited about her singing this song. Plus, her makeup made her look cross-eyed and her outfit was hideous. But, it ain't no body's bidness.

Who started the whole finger waving thing? I am going to have to watch the first season again. Why does it piss me off so royally? Maybe it is annoying to me because I don't vote.

Scott MacIntyre is the pride of Scottsdale? Is his brother named Dale? Can we puhleaze do something about his fro? Snore. This song is borrrring. Everyone thinks he is so great, but blah. I am snoozing. He should sing in those new Comcast commercials. They are boring, too. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is in the audience. Is this fare safe for her republican fetus?

Okay, Danny Gokey was a top contender. After his PYT, he IS the top contender. (Though I agree with Simon that he can't dance).

Michael Sarver is either flat or simply just under each note. It is like he almost hits the notes, but just falls short. Excuse me while I continue the nap I started while listening to Scott.

I hope someone sings "Smile". Jasmine Murray is so cute and has a nice voice, but something is missing and I don't know what it is.

Kris Allen. I am still sleeping. Randy is channeling Paula. He said "Very well job done, baby!" And the wife looked pissed when Simon said that Kris should have kept her under wraps longer.

Allison Iraheta could have put more emotion into this song. This is a great song for a more mature person. She sang the song okay, but missed the point altogether.

Anoop Desai rules. I think he would have sang this better 1/2 an octave lower. He should have sung Smile.

Jorge Nunez is creeping me out.

Megan Joy Corkrey looks a little like Belinda Carlisle and Reese Witherspoon in addition to the Aussie Real World chick and Johnny Depp's woman. But she has no business being in this competition. "Caw, Caw"? Has she ever heard a robin before?

Adam Lambert. Dislike. Not excited to have him shriek at me some more. Too bad they already made Dream (Scream) girls. Maybe he can be in the sequel and win an ill gotten Academy Award, too. Bah! This guy is going to stick around forever just because I hate him. Why do they love him so?

Why does Ryan know what a hurkey is?

Matt Giraud, aka Sloth, aka li'l JT sings a great song. That was great. Here is a Baby Ruth for you!

Ooh, Dirty Diana. I love this song. Man, I forgot how great some MJ songs are. Alexis Grace is rocking this!

My bottom three:

Likely bottom three:

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Wild Card

I am tired. It is late and I have a meeting and watching three hours of AI is hard, even for me. I am gonna minimize my involvement tonight. No alogorithm for you today.

There are three slots and eight singers. Seriously, what got into Paula? She looks hot and put together. Maybe I am the one falling apart.

Jesse Langseth would look hotter without that ugly ass sweater. Sucky song. Why is she wearing camel boots with a black dress? Those crazy gingers. She is out. Sad, because she can sing.

I think it is funny that Simon tells people that they are too indulgent in their performances. Irony? I'm self indulgent, Simon. Come yell at me. :)

Sloth: He is such a boy bander. He needs to lay off the riffs because without them, he would be awesome. But is he one sided in only being able to sing bluesy stuff? He needs more experience and he could be pretty great.

Why does Kara look like a school teacher?

Megan Joy Corkrey: She dances funny. I bet her little boy dances the same. I think she is better than she has demonstrated here so far. She cheeses it up too much for me to take her seriously.

Ugh. Here comes Von. Ha! I have to laugh. His song starts out with "What have I got to do to make you love me?" That is funny, considering how much I dislike him. I can't stand how he dislocates his jaw to sing high notes. Yay, Simon thinks he is boring.

Jasmine Murray: Damn, I don't think she is as talented as I thought she was during auditions. Maybe she just needs some training and experience. She is only 16. She deserved the second chance, but she ought to go home now.

Braddy: He actually has a great voice. Crap. I don't think I liked him before. Now he is winning me over. Yeah, I like him.

Crazy McWacky: Why is her accent suddenly much stronger? I think she listened to them lauding Jorge for his accent. She has a great voice. With Lindsay settling into domestic bliss with Sam and Britney staying on her meds, we need a new crazy in pop music. Let's let her win! She did affect the accent! Ha! She is sooo crazy!!! She is still using the weirdo accent. I don't think the judges like her. Too bad. I would like to see her move on with the show.

Anoop Desai: YAY! I love you! Even with that lame ass green knit tie. He is so awesome.

My choices for top three:
Anoop Desai
Ricky Braddy
Tatiana Del Toro

Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop Anoop

Judges choices:
Jasmine Murray
Megan Joy Corkrey (bye crazy Tatiana!)
MANG! The DVR quit before I found out the last person. Off to
Matt Giraud
AND? Anoop Desai!!! Well, top twelve turned into lucky thirteen for me! ANOOP!

Results of final set of 12

I said that Lil Rounds, Jorge Nunez, and Kendall Beard were my top three. Let's see whether America agrees with me or not. Paula looks great. She was on her game during the last show. What is up?

Really? Katy Perry as their group song? They don't even sound that bad. Kendall needs to stop performing for the Miss America pageant. They ended it on a pageanty note. I hate the group songs.

blah blah blah. Make cuts already. I don't want to waste anymore time on the people who are going home.

Will they make others stand up with Lil Rounds? Nope. It was obvious that she was going through. I love her. I could see her winning the whole thing.

I think Scott is going through. I am not too very excited about this. They are getting rather formulaic in how they let people go. I can totally guess who is going to the top twelve. See? I would not buy his cd.

Last one. I think it will be Jorge. But yay, Von is going away, barring any wild card crap. That sucks that he brings Ju'Not and Jorge down to the center of the stage because one has to walk back to his seat. That one being Ju'Not. I like how Scott's brother gets to be on the show all the time to help him get around.

I wondwer who the eight who get to sing again will be. Lemme guess... (these are based partially on my hopes, but also on my perception of what the judges seemed to like).

In no particular order:
Ju'not Joyner
Kendall Beard
Jasmine Murray
Megan Joy Corkrey
Kai Kalama
Mishavonna Henson
Anoop Desai- Yay! Noop Dawg
Ricky Braddy Crap. I knew they loved him. Not me so much.

FRACK! They picked Von Smith. The Kewpie doll. I hate him. ACK!

Whaa? They picked the crazy? I am confused, but secretly elated to see Tatiana "el pollo loco" Del Toro picked.

They picked Sloth? (Matt Giraud). I 'spose I am okay with this.

Jesse Langseth. I wanted to put her in my list, but did not think they would choose her. I am glad.

(Pick Anoop! Noop!) YES!!!

50% right... Hmph.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Last group of 12

Dude, seriously. I just worked for 9 hours and it is 1:43 am and I need to get my AI fix? Ugh, I just saw Adam and gagged a little. Crap, we have to witness him on this show. I hope he gets voted off soon.

There is not one person I want to make it through from this group.

Von Smith: This first guy is ridiculous. Have hated him from the initial audition. Blech. He even looks like a turd with that ridiculous Kewpie hairstyle. His manic smile is reminiscent of Tom Cruise. Scary. What the hell is this song? Please America, forget about the number 1 for a few hours and let this boy go back home to annoy his locals. I am not on par with these judges. I was so in sync with Simon last year. What's wrong with them? 0 singing, -.7 outfit, -.3 personality, -.6 looks, finger waving -1.5 (he gets an extra .5 because he waggled his head around like a moron and because I really dislike him and may be attacking him a little unfairly because I am tired but not sleepy). Final Score: -3.1

I saw "Escape to Witch Mountain" when I was little and was enamored with little Kim Richards. Now they made "Race to Witch Mountain" and I simply don't recall the Witch Mountain line being about aliens. I don't recall anything really except that Tia (Kim Richards) had realllllly long hair and the kids had special powers. Hmm. I have been enamored by AnnaSophia Robb since I first saw her in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I just hope she manages to not follow in the footsteps of her predecessor and become the aunt to the most ridiculous heirass (yeah, I spelled that right).

Taylor Vaifanua: I think I need to add performance to the algorithm. The squats that people keep doing along with the winks and squints and various odd facial movements need to graded. Aw, she is kind of cute with her crying. 0 singing, -.4 outfit, .3 personality, -.2 looks, finger waving -.9 (she got .1 sliced off because she was genuinely cute in her finger flashing. Not as a cute as Jordan from 2 seasons ago who always flashed a heart with her fingers after the numbers). Final Score: -1.2.

Alex Wagner- Trugman: He could be Michael Cera's bro. His singing is a little weird and rough. I wish he sang it normal instead of trying to do all this weird stuff which I am sure he felt macho'd it up and made him seem more grown up. But it is weird! -.9 singing, -.2 outfit , 1 personality, 0 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -1.1 (But he's a doll).

Arianna Afsar: Maybe it was her that I saw that resembles Isla Fisher, 'cause she sort of does. This song sucks. I feel like she only sings it well when she is belting. Even then she is a bit off. -.5 singing, 0 outfit , .7 personality, .8 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 0

Ju'not Joyner: I kind of dig his version of Hey There Delilah, but his vibrato is kind of wigging me out. Still he injects energy into parts of his singing of this song and that is good. I wish he could have done it throughout the whole song. I feel like Kara was really into it by the way she was swaying her shoulders all sexy-like at him. .6 singing, -.2 outfit , .8 personality, .2 looks, finger waving - 1.1 (he gets this score because I don't think he waved fingers, but he did wave and then made phone signs and said we should call him). Final Score: 0.3

In the Nationwide commercial in which a guy hit an old couple's car and the woman beats her with his purse, the woman's voice sounds just like Felicity Huffman's.

Kristen McNamara: Ugh, I don't really like her either. She could have been cast in Love American Style back in the day looking exactly as she does today (though I loved that show, I still don't like her). Maybe she looks like the blonde sister on Too Close for Comfort. I hate how these people make all those weird faces at the camera. There is no connection to the emotion behind the song. .2 singing, -1 outfit (that is one hideous dress. She says she is twenty three and the dress makes her look like she has old broad boobies. The colour is high-rendous and the flower epaulets are confusing. Great, there goes the sight in my right eye) , .2 personality, -.7 looks, finger waving 1. Final Score: -0.3. Crap. Now I like her after she just said that she had no dress style. "I was always the girl wearing stretch pants with ... the bow on my head. I always looked crazy." Dang, I have to change the personality from -.2 to .2. Dang.

By the way, she looks JUST like the girl from Too Close for Comfort. See for yourself...

Nathaniel Marshall: Ugh, they just keep getting worse! This guy... Ugh. Ugh, he is singing Meatloaf. My butt cheeks could sing this better and even they would refrain from doing it because this song sucks. Gosh, he is still singing. Man, this is the WORST group. He is wearing skinny jeans. Now I am blind in my left eye, too. Ha! He tried to do the drum hand slam thingy were he makes a gesture like he is making that final drum smash sound. (That was a lot of explanation, but you got it, right?) Anyhoo... He totally was too early. Ha. -.5 singing, -1 outfit , -.6 personality, -.9 looks, finger waving 1 (Ryan took him to the judge's table to torment Simon and he therefore did not get the opportunity to wave his little fingers). Final Score: -0.8 Damn, there is something I could like about this kid. Mostly it would emerge if he could just tone it down a bit.

Felicia Barton: This girl is only in because Joanna got booted. She is a girl who adds H's to all of her words. She suh-hounds li-hike she is yohodelling. But she has that raspiness I love, ala P!nk. .3 singing, -.3 outfit , .5 personality, .3 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -0.2

Scott MacIntyre: I am curious about this boy. He has a Josh Groban-y style, which I don't like so much. But with the right type of music, maybe it would be pretty...? Oh, that high note was a bad choice. He sings the words too precisely. He needs wayyyy more practice. Whoa, the judges are being beyond nice. I don't think he is good enough to be here. -.7 singing, .6 outfit , .6 personality, 0 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -0.5

Kendall Beard: Okay, she is kind of cute. My cat is singing along with her. She has a nice voice. I would like to hear something else from her. She hits some notes flat every now and then and the song was not too exciting. But I would like to see what else she can do. .2 singing, 1 outfit , .6 personality, .5 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 1.3

Jorge Nunez: He has a beautiful vibrato. Was he singing in Spanish there for a second? I think he is eating the microphone. He could use an eyebrow wax. He sings okay, except when he tried to be fancy. .6 singing, 0 outfit , .7 personality, -.8 looks, finger waving 1 Final Score: 1.5

Lil Rounds: Last one, thank God! She enjoyed Kansas Ceety. I kind of like her. Let's see what she's got! Wow, she actually looks and sounds like she's been doing this for a while. Oh, no. They just flashed up to the others and Kendall Beard demonstrated she ain't got no rhythm. Dang, Lil just nailed it. Perfect song. She sang, "Call this show if you can't be without me". 1 singing, .8 outfit , 1 personality, .8 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 2.6

Final Count:

Lil Rounds: 2.6
Jorge Nunez: 1.5
Kendall Beard: 1.3
Ju'not Joyner: 0.3
Arianna Afsar: 0
Felicia Barton: -0.2
Kristen McNamara: -0.3.
Scott MacIntyre: -0.5
Nathaniel Marshall: -0.8
Alex Wagner- Trugman: -1.1
Taylor Vaifanua: -1.2.
Von Smith: -3.1