Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Last group of 12

Dude, seriously. I just worked for 9 hours and it is 1:43 am and I need to get my AI fix? Ugh, I just saw Adam and gagged a little. Crap, we have to witness him on this show. I hope he gets voted off soon.

There is not one person I want to make it through from this group.

Von Smith: This first guy is ridiculous. Have hated him from the initial audition. Blech. He even looks like a turd with that ridiculous Kewpie hairstyle. His manic smile is reminiscent of Tom Cruise. Scary. What the hell is this song? Please America, forget about the number 1 for a few hours and let this boy go back home to annoy his locals. I am not on par with these judges. I was so in sync with Simon last year. What's wrong with them? 0 singing, -.7 outfit, -.3 personality, -.6 looks, finger waving -1.5 (he gets an extra .5 because he waggled his head around like a moron and because I really dislike him and may be attacking him a little unfairly because I am tired but not sleepy). Final Score: -3.1

I saw "Escape to Witch Mountain" when I was little and was enamored with little Kim Richards. Now they made "Race to Witch Mountain" and I simply don't recall the Witch Mountain line being about aliens. I don't recall anything really except that Tia (Kim Richards) had realllllly long hair and the kids had special powers. Hmm. I have been enamored by AnnaSophia Robb since I first saw her in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I just hope she manages to not follow in the footsteps of her predecessor and become the aunt to the most ridiculous heirass (yeah, I spelled that right).

Taylor Vaifanua: I think I need to add performance to the algorithm. The squats that people keep doing along with the winks and squints and various odd facial movements need to graded. Aw, she is kind of cute with her crying. 0 singing, -.4 outfit, .3 personality, -.2 looks, finger waving -.9 (she got .1 sliced off because she was genuinely cute in her finger flashing. Not as a cute as Jordan from 2 seasons ago who always flashed a heart with her fingers after the numbers). Final Score: -1.2.

Alex Wagner- Trugman: He could be Michael Cera's bro. His singing is a little weird and rough. I wish he sang it normal instead of trying to do all this weird stuff which I am sure he felt macho'd it up and made him seem more grown up. But it is weird! -.9 singing, -.2 outfit , 1 personality, 0 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -1.1 (But he's a doll).

Arianna Afsar: Maybe it was her that I saw that resembles Isla Fisher, 'cause she sort of does. This song sucks. I feel like she only sings it well when she is belting. Even then she is a bit off. -.5 singing, 0 outfit , .7 personality, .8 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 0

Ju'not Joyner: I kind of dig his version of Hey There Delilah, but his vibrato is kind of wigging me out. Still he injects energy into parts of his singing of this song and that is good. I wish he could have done it throughout the whole song. I feel like Kara was really into it by the way she was swaying her shoulders all sexy-like at him. .6 singing, -.2 outfit , .8 personality, .2 looks, finger waving - 1.1 (he gets this score because I don't think he waved fingers, but he did wave and then made phone signs and said we should call him). Final Score: 0.3

In the Nationwide commercial in which a guy hit an old couple's car and the woman beats her with his purse, the woman's voice sounds just like Felicity Huffman's.

Kristen McNamara: Ugh, I don't really like her either. She could have been cast in Love American Style back in the day looking exactly as she does today (though I loved that show, I still don't like her). Maybe she looks like the blonde sister on Too Close for Comfort. I hate how these people make all those weird faces at the camera. There is no connection to the emotion behind the song. .2 singing, -1 outfit (that is one hideous dress. She says she is twenty three and the dress makes her look like she has old broad boobies. The colour is high-rendous and the flower epaulets are confusing. Great, there goes the sight in my right eye) , .2 personality, -.7 looks, finger waving 1. Final Score: -0.3. Crap. Now I like her after she just said that she had no dress style. "I was always the girl wearing stretch pants with ... the bow on my head. I always looked crazy." Dang, I have to change the personality from -.2 to .2. Dang.

By the way, she looks JUST like the girl from Too Close for Comfort. See for yourself...

Nathaniel Marshall: Ugh, they just keep getting worse! This guy... Ugh. Ugh, he is singing Meatloaf. My butt cheeks could sing this better and even they would refrain from doing it because this song sucks. Gosh, he is still singing. Man, this is the WORST group. He is wearing skinny jeans. Now I am blind in my left eye, too. Ha! He tried to do the drum hand slam thingy were he makes a gesture like he is making that final drum smash sound. (That was a lot of explanation, but you got it, right?) Anyhoo... He totally was too early. Ha. -.5 singing, -1 outfit , -.6 personality, -.9 looks, finger waving 1 (Ryan took him to the judge's table to torment Simon and he therefore did not get the opportunity to wave his little fingers). Final Score: -0.8 Damn, there is something I could like about this kid. Mostly it would emerge if he could just tone it down a bit.

Felicia Barton: This girl is only in because Joanna got booted. She is a girl who adds H's to all of her words. She suh-hounds li-hike she is yohodelling. But she has that raspiness I love, ala P!nk. .3 singing, -.3 outfit , .5 personality, .3 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -0.2

Scott MacIntyre: I am curious about this boy. He has a Josh Groban-y style, which I don't like so much. But with the right type of music, maybe it would be pretty...? Oh, that high note was a bad choice. He sings the words too precisely. He needs wayyyy more practice. Whoa, the judges are being beyond nice. I don't think he is good enough to be here. -.7 singing, .6 outfit , .6 personality, 0 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: -0.5

Kendall Beard: Okay, she is kind of cute. My cat is singing along with her. She has a nice voice. I would like to hear something else from her. She hits some notes flat every now and then and the song was not too exciting. But I would like to see what else she can do. .2 singing, 1 outfit , .6 personality, .5 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 1.3

Jorge Nunez: He has a beautiful vibrato. Was he singing in Spanish there for a second? I think he is eating the microphone. He could use an eyebrow wax. He sings okay, except when he tried to be fancy. .6 singing, 0 outfit , .7 personality, -.8 looks, finger waving 1 Final Score: 1.5

Lil Rounds: Last one, thank God! She enjoyed Kansas Ceety. I kind of like her. Let's see what she's got! Wow, she actually looks and sounds like she's been doing this for a while. Oh, no. They just flashed up to the others and Kendall Beard demonstrated she ain't got no rhythm. Dang, Lil just nailed it. Perfect song. She sang, "Call this show if you can't be without me". 1 singing, .8 outfit , 1 personality, .8 looks, finger waving - .1 Final Score: 2.6

Final Count:

Lil Rounds: 2.6
Jorge Nunez: 1.5
Kendall Beard: 1.3
Ju'not Joyner: 0.3
Arianna Afsar: 0
Felicia Barton: -0.2
Kristen McNamara: -0.3.
Scott MacIntyre: -0.5
Nathaniel Marshall: -0.8
Alex Wagner- Trugman: -1.1
Taylor Vaifanua: -1.2.
Von Smith: -3.1

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