Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I love standards!

I was going to write this in iambic pentameter, but then realized I am not certain I have a grasp on that at all. Then I was just going to make it all rhyme, but what rhymes with idol? (sidle, bridle, Katherine Heigl, midol). Ooh...

I am watching American Idol.
singers make me cramp, need some Midol...
Won't someone put a bridle
on Katherine Heigl?

Well, that is a taste of what you would have gotten.
By the way, I am kidding Katherine (I am terrified of her). Jamie Foxx? Why did he name himself that? His real name is Eric Marlon Bishop. I was walking up the stairs at a karaoke place in LA once and had already been elbowed to the head by an unsuspecting Jerome Bettis and thusly managed to pour cheap red wine (whine) all over my pink Supergirl shirt with the glittery "S", thereby looking a mess, and possibly the victim of gunfire? I ran into a thugly looking Jamie Foxx on the stairs who snarled at me as I passed him with my sweet little smile. I therefore veto you, ERIC. And pledge to from this point on, call you Eric.

Kris Allen (That Guy) doesn't want to sing the throat olympics, according to Eric. I think that is a different kind of contest, dude. Not one for primetime television on a network show! (Though if on any network, it would be Fox). What did he sing again? He is back to being that guy. (Lower case because I am so bored). The child has a nice voice, and he sings well, but he is soooooo unremarkable. When commercials come right after he sang, he makes me forget what show I am watching.

I like Paula's necklace.

Allison put some black streaks into her hair. Yay. Maybe if she stays in, she can get to the point where all of her hair is dark. (I am an old fogey). I love "Someone to watch over me". She couldn't be singing this song any slower. I almost choked on the peanut from my M&M when she sang "put on some speed". Still, the contest is (or should be) between her and that screechy guy.

They just showed a Ford commercial. No where in it was an Idol contestant. Why does Ford insist on filming commercials with these people if they never use them? Are the commercials being aired in Asia? I just saw an ad for the new Fox show "Glee" some woman was screaming. I did not know that Jennifer Hudson was doing television.

Sloth is really embracing Obama's view of Cuba. I was so busy looking up US/Cuban relations that I did not really hear how he sang. I am sure he did lots of riffs and falsetto runs and was okay.

Wow, Danny Gokey is on board with the Cubans, too! (Are they having the Best Week Ever!?!) Danny does not like it when Eric "gets up in his grill". This is a great song and genre for Danny. I think he will be top three along with Allison and pizza face. (Yeah, I said it. Whatchu gonna do?). I don't see him winning, but he otter come close. He was fabulous tonight. He looked the part, too. I think he reads my blog and is now making hearts with his fingers instead of flashing numbers. Jordin did that and she won.

Here it comes! The best part of the evening. (Just kidding. The best part is when the show is over. This is the part where I wish I had acid with which to wash my eyes and ears out.) I wish that the Shrieker could sing once without shrieking. But I guess he would lose his whole identity then. When the song started it sounded like Supertramp's The Logical Song. I was all... "when I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful". Then he started singing some altogether different. I feel askew. He is feeling Could. Seriously. He sang that he was feeling could. He sounds off pitch to me. Could the golden child be off? (Ech, he grosses me out when he is onstage. I cannot place why.)

Ha! Kara just said he is confusing and sleazy. That's it! That's why he grosses me out (though she meant it in a positive way).

Bottom two, Kris and Sloth.
Sloth is going home.

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