Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rating 12 of the top 36

Seacrest said that Simon was in the UK for the past six months. Do they have a hiatus between the auditions and then the actual live show? I guess they must. Interesting. I never thought about it.

They are doing things a little differently this time around. 12 kids sing, top dude and top chick (Viewer votes-wise) stay in and the next highest vote getter stays, too. This gives nine contestants. Then they have a wild card contest for the final three spots. I wonder if this is the leeway needed for the judges to make sure that at least three of their favorites get in. Otherwise, would they just take the top two guy and top two girls from each of the 12? And what if the groups of twelve are unbalanced and all the sucky people are in the same group?

Onward: First up, Jackie Tohn. I like her. But what the hell is she wearing? Big red pleather belt with Olivia Newton John "Let's get physical" satiny pants. Run DMC high-tops. Yucks. And she is a finger waver. She gets .5 point for singing, loses one for outfit, gains nothing for looks (because I don't think she is gorgeous or ugly), gains one for personality and loses one for finger waving. Final score: -0.5

Simon's hair is exceptionally square today.

Two: Ricky Braddy.Wowzers, thems some snug pants. I thought Jackie's were tight... He has fuzzy ears. the little furs catch the light spectacularly and give him a monkey-like halo. Nice. Hmm, not a fan. .5 for singing, -1 outfit, 0 looks, 0 personality, -1 finger waving. Judges loved him. Final Score:-1.5

Three: Alexis Grace. Cute girl. I like her. Even though she dirrtied (rather than dirtied it up)her look up and kind of looks like a child prostitute. Oops, she forgot to put to put her dress on over her slip. Seriously, I thought slip dresses went out a looooong time ago. At least her shoes are cute and not made of lucite. I like her. .8 singing, -1 outfit, 1 personality, .6 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: 0.4

Four: Brent Keith. He seems cute from some angles, and not so cute from others. It is weird. He is like that girl on Seinfeld that was hot in some lights and not hot in others. He's country. Enough with the country already. Hey, just go to Nashville, dude. If they let Jessica Simpson and that chick (Julianne Hough) from Dancing with the Stars have careers, they'll let you in, too. You don't have to waste time on this show that is called POP Idol in Britain. 0 singing, 0 outfit, .3 personality, 0 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -0.7

Five: Stevie Wright. Oh Stevie. I kind of liked you. But you chose a song from Taylor Swift who is not the greatest singer and wow, this really sucks. She sounded like a tone deaf kid who was singing along to JT's karaoke machine. She took the youthful image thing a little far, dressing like Punky Brewster. That really sucked. -1 singing, -1 outfit, .5 personality, 0 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -2.5

Six: Noop Dawg! Anoop Desai. Love this kid! Have big hopes for him. Aw crap. He gives those weird lecherous glances at the camera. Well, it did not seem to hurt Constantine's chances. That song was kind of crappy, but I mostly blame the backup singers. I want him to fix his hair. It looks like the same cut he probably had when he was a little kid. I still like him. He seems like a genuine person. .8 singing, .4 outfit, .8 personality, 0 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: 1

Seven: Casey Carlson. She looks like one of the girls from the CW show Privileged. She is cute. Whoa, she is worse than the worst lounge singer. Some of the worst faces I have ever seen. She looks like she is trying to give birth. Maybe some dance classes would help? Though this looks like a lost cause. And, is it it me or is her singing super amateur and off-key? Wow. No. (Wow, she gets a fairly high score because she did not wave a finger to indicate her number. She is the first of them. I want her to stay just for that! Oh, and the hopes that her weirdo behavior during performances might deteriorate and become weirder). -.8 singing, -.7 outfit, .5 personality, .7 looks, finger waving 0. Final Score: -.3

Eight: Michael Sarver. This boy has a great smile. The television just glitters when he smiles on it. Otherwise he is rather plain looking. Is he wearing mom jeans? Aw, I love him. He looks like he is going to burst from excitement. His singing, however is sometimes really on and great and other times totally off. .2 singing, 0 outfit, .6 personality, .5 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: 0.3

Nine: Ann Marie Boskovich. Wow, she sounds flat. She is not quite getting down to those lower notes. Sure enough, she got better as she hit the higher notes, still, it was not great in my opinion. But she is the first one in a cute outfit. -.5 singing, .8 outfit, .5 personality, .1 looks, finger waving -.5 (She didn't wave a nine, but she did give an awkward 2 thumbs up and that gets penalized!). Final Score: 0.4

Ten: Stephen Fowler is from the Cleve! I don't think he should have made it this far based on his solo act of forgetting the words and then simply leaving the stage. He sounds like he is singing this song a shade slower than the music is being played. Yikes. This sounds warped. He looks like a little kid, almost like Rudy Huxtable when she was 6, when he is singing. Oh, he is an excuse giver. He's out in my opinion. Blech. -1 singing, -.3 outfit, 0 personality, 0 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -2.3

Eleven: Tatiana Del Toro. Yay. Let's see this mental case sing. She is such a drama queen which makes me crazy. That's why she gets a full negative on personality. It's strange but she looks a teeny bit like Isla Fisher in that picture. Dang, she is flat, too. And she is wearing Holly Hobby's dress. I feel creepy watching this. Bad song choice. I... speechless... Especially after that little spin she gave at the end. The judges called her out! Nice. Now she is embarrassed. -.6 singing, -1 outfit, -1 personality, .1 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -3.5

Twelve: Danny Gokey. I think he borrowed Michael Sharver's shirt. I only give him a .9 for singing because of all of the riffs. I hate them, but dang the boy can sing. I like him. .9 singing, .3 outfit, .8 personality, .2 looks, finger waving 0. AND he is not a finger waver! Looove that. Final Score: 2.2

In my highly mathematical formula, these are the contestants from best to worst, in my humble opinion. (Of course, I got more critical as the show progressed...)

Danny Gokey 2.2
Anoop Desai 1
Alexis Grace 0.4
Ann Marie Boskovich 0.4
Michael Sharver 0.3
Casey Carlson -0.3
Jackie Tohn -0.5
Brent Keith -0.7
Ricky Braddy -1.5
Stephen Fowler -2.3
Stevie Wright -2.5
Tatiana Del Toro -3.5

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