Wednesday, February 25, 2009

2nd set of twelve

I have a bad feeling about this group. I may have to ply myself with alcohol toget through this date. That is the turdiest looking shirt that Ryan is wearing. Simon winks at Ryan a lot. It is a little unsettling.

Did they really send the nine non-winners home? What is the story with the wild cards? Will they be invited back?Simon is wearing an old Hanes t-shirt that looks like it has been in existence and in full use since he was a Solid Gold Dancer.

I like Jasmine Murray. I love this song. But she seems half a note off and a beat too slow. Hmmm. I think she is better than she is performing right now. -.6 singing, .6 outfit, .6 personality, .5 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: 0.1

Matt Giraud. He seriously looks like Sloth to me. But he seems nice, though so did Sloth. Whoa, what is up with this guy's vibrato? Is he being shaken? If he did not have that, he would have a really nice voice. -.6 singing, -.2 outfit, .4 personality, -1 looks, finger waving -1 (Man! I thought he was gonna make it and not flash fingers, but at the last second, there they were). Final Score: -2.4

Why is Simon suddenly affected by the booing? Is he getting nice? Did he get a new girlfriend he is trying to impress? Is he just trying to get me jealous?

Jeanine Vailes.Hello, lime green nails. Yikes. Oh great, she is one of those strange camera abusers. I know they are trying to make love to the camera, but it seems more like camera rape to me. Creepy camera rape. What precedent did Constantine set for these performers. Wow, they are just getting worse. Does she have the same plastic surgeon as the octuplet baby momma? -.8 singing, -5 outfit, .4 personality, -.4 looks, finger waving -2 (She gets an extra minus point because she waved the wrong amount of fingers at first and then followed up with the correct amount. Sad). Final Score: -3.3

Nick "Norman Gentle" Mitchell. I am confused by his involvement in this show. His voice is okay. He is entertaining. He is kind of great, but isn't he snubbing his nose at all of those who take this show super seriously? Can they let him stay? Will America like him? He is so cabaret. He is Las Vegas! He is no worse than Reuben Stoddard, but can he fit in with Carrie Underwood and Kelly Clarkson? He makes me want to add a entertainment factor to my algorthym. Hmm. Curious. .5 singing, -1 outfit, 1 personality, -.5 looks, finger waving 1. Final Score: 1

Did Seacrest forget that he was on camera tonight? What the hell is he wearing?

Allison Iraheta. She would probably look nice with really dark hair. Why does she keep saying the name of the song and the band like she is embarrassed about it? It is pissing me off because the band is great and the song is awesome. I can't tell if she is not quite hitting the high notes or if the backup singers just make her sound off. I love her raspy voice. I can't believe she is only sixteen. .9 singing, -.5 outfit, -.2 personality, -.8 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -1.6

Kris Allen. He has this aw shucks quality that even is apparent in his singing. That's why this song was perfect for him (MJ's Man in the Mirror)> I'd like to request that he stops fanning his fingers on the mic, please. His butt is attempting to break out of his jeans. Not good. He is okay, but on a high school show kind of way. I am not sold on him. I think he is utterly forgettable. .4 singing, -.2 outfit, .1 personality, .4 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -0.3

Megan Joy Corkrey. She looks like a mix of Johnny Depp's girl Vanessa Paradis and Jacinda Barrett (Real World). She also looks like the yin to "The Ring" girl's yang. Um, why are these people here? This is awful. This is worse than karaoke. She says down weird. Dang, I thought this girl was better. And then she just ended it super bad. Nonono. Bad. But she is cute. -.7 singing, -.3 outfit, .6 personality, .8 looks, finger waving 1. Final Score: 1.4

Matt Breitzke. The Welder. Hmm, he is singing Tonic. I love this song. Why is everyone singing so cheesily? Is it nerves? Everyone keeps attempting to stylize the songs and it sounds like crap. Just frickin' sing the already. He is singing okay, but I am bored. I love the random yet obligatory dancing from the rest of the group. Hey, the judges agree with me. Boring! -.1 singing, 0 outfit, -.2 personality, 0 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -1.3

I find myself wishing that some people wave fingers and that others don't based on how much I like them. It is such a major factor in my formula!

Jesse Langseth. Dang, there are a lot of single moms on this show. I really like this girl but I am so caught up in her sweater and how truly ugly it is. She has a great a great voice for this song, I wish she would have done a bit more with the song. I was rather bored. She has more potential than she showed .6 singing, .3 outfit, .8 personality, .6 looks, finger waving -1. (I have to take off .2 from her because she could not shut up during the judges commentary. That's annoying. Shut up and listen for goodness sakes). Final Score: 1.1

Kai Kalama. Oh, I like this boy and his momma. I hate his hair. His performance is pretty good, but his singing was very level. It would have behooved him to find a better song, but he sold it better at the end. It got less boring. .3 singing, .6 outfit, .9 personality, .3 looks (He'd get higher points on looks, because he is cute, if he cut his hair. Hmm, he's actually be hot without the sideshow Bob hair), finger waving -1. Final Score: 1.1

Mishavonna Henson. I felt like she was reading the lyrics while she sang them. Yet, she has an interesting and pretty good voice. I dunno how to feel about her. I want to like her and I like the song, but something is off. .4 singing, 0 outfit, .8 personality, -.4 looks, finger waving -1. Final Score: -0.2

Adam Lambert. Hmph, this guy annoys me. He is so drama and screechy. He has so many added thingies like his hair and his clothes that he seems like he is overcompensating for something. I dunno why he totally rubs me the wrong way. DUDE! Enough with the dang falsetto crap. Blech. I dislike this guy, therefore, prepare to see him all the way through. The judges like him. We are at odds. Blech. Gah. 0 singing, 0 outfit, 0 personality, -.8 looks, finger waving 1. (Man! He is not a finger waver.) Final Score: 0.2

(My formula is really hard to follow because it is so very arbitrary, but whatever. It is working for me. Sort of).

All twelve in my order:
Megan Joy Corkrey: 1.4
Kai Kalama: 1.1
Jesse Langseth: 1.1
Nick "Norman Gentle" Mitchell: 1
Adam Lambert: 0.2 Jasmine Murray: 0.1
Mishavonna Henson -0.2
Kris Allen: -0.3
Matt Breitzke: -1.3
Allison Iraheta: -1.6
Matt Giraud: -2.4
Jeanine Vailes: -3.3

1 comment:

Marci said...

I kind of think your arbitrary grading system is hilarious. Mostly because most can't even get an entire point on the board.