Top Ten Finalists

What is up with Ryan Seacrest and his skinny little ties? Oh look! Gwen Stefani! I forgot about her early video crotchtasticness. Remember how the camera was always angled up at her crotch and she would thrust into it? Awkward. She looks a bit like a lipless teacher. Or maybe naughty nurse with those big white shoes... Maybe the red lips just work for her. She borrowed a tie from Ryan.

Lakisha Jones: She looks kind of mean and she seems to have a bit of the Oprah. (You know, off in la-la land when the conversation is not about her.) I think she is shy, but whatever. I wonder if she doesn't bother with a handbag when she goes out, and opts instead to bury her phone, wallet and keys in her massive cleavage? Marci does not want her to win because she has a lisp and one American Idol winner with a lisp (Fantasia Barrino) was plenty. Me, I just want to stick a piece of gum between her two front teeth because those gaps make me restless for some reason. I predict she'll go far in the competition, but she won't win and then she'll just fall off the face of the earth.

Jack Osbourne stole his jacket from a homeless guy before the show. What..? His name is Chris Sligh? Oh, he looks like a pregnant Wal-Mart shopper. Look at that, he did a white boy moonwalk. Nono. Is it wrong that he reminds me of Porky Pig? Randy talked about his package. This show is going downhill fast! Oh Chris, I loved you at auditions. But the shine has dulled. He won't last.

Paula looks kind of hot tonight with her ponytail. I thought it was the lipgloss that was good, but it appears that we have some fresh collagen in da HOUSE. But what is she wearing? Is she trying to impress Gwen?

Gina Glocksen: I love this girl. She was great because she did not force the song out this time. She's pretty and seems to have some personality. This has to be the ugliest/most boring group of individuals I have seen since my last job (HA!).

Simon is so saucy. He told Gina that this was not one her best performances, it was her BEST performance. He said that to me once too.

Hmph: Sanjaya. I am too lazy to go and look up his last name. What the.. Hold on. What the hell? What the frack? Oh! He forgot the words. Wow, he is just so bad. He did manage to tear my eyes away from his freakish mouth to stare agape at the pony-hawk, as Ryan called it. Sanjaya always looks terrified/nervous/confused to me. I foresee the Adult film industry for him. His sister, too. She has got some talent, if you know what I mean. (She has big boobers.) I could see Sanjaya cavorting on a South American beach with doing Tai Chi with Ricky Martin.

Haley Scarnato: She should have been born 20 years ago so that she could have been best friends with Barbi Benton and sing songs on the ledo deck of the Love Boat before disembarking at Puerto Vallarta for some sandy romancy with Doc.

Phil Stacey: Did he bedazzle his jacket? I can't get past the fact that he looks like the martian popping thing. Look, the martian popping thing has blue eyes, like Phil. Coincidence? I don't think so. Am I the only one who thinks he is a bit weird looking?

Oh, he sings, too? Oh.

Melinda Doolittle has no neck. I want to goose her so she opens her eyes. She's got a great voice, but her need for us to be gentle with her (based on the way she minimizes herself) makes me want to kick her.

This show needs a dentist. Gaps and funky teeth abound. Not at the judges table though. Keep them lips closed! Them choppers is blinding.

Blake Lewis is not Black Lewis as I originally typed, nor is he Blake Edwards, Julie Andrews husband. He always seems a little off key to me. Maybe it is my TV. Blake is interesting. I think he will go far as long as he does not get cocky. I despise how he dances. It never has anything to do with the song. And his wee little mouth reminds me of Tom Ridge.

Simon compared Blake to Chris Daughtry whose CD I just bought and it totally rocks and am I such a dork that I own CD's by three American Idol contestants? (And even more so that I like them?)

Jordin Sparks is my favorite. I think she is gorgeous. Though I would kick her off the show for that outfit she wore. Gah! Great argument right there against ugly gray knee-high boots. I pick her to win. Jordin flashes fingers (which I hate) to allow you to better understand that she is #9. But then she makes a finger heart and all is forgiven.

Random acknowledgement: Paula has a wad of toilet paper on her finger.

Chris Richardson looks like a Nascar fan from Manassas. (Hi Friends!) He has a monchichi head. He also borrowed a tie from Ryan. Man, Ryan is really generous. I cannot, and will not ever subscribe to the white sneaker look.

VOTING OFF SHOW

I have to admit to fast forwarding through most of the vote off show. They are so mean in how they tell those kids whether or not they will be leaving. Bottom three: Haley, Phil and Chris Sligh. I thought Haley was going home. Damn, we have to listen to her warble for another week.

You know, Gwen Stefani is adorable. That song almost makes me forgive her for the "Bananas. B.A.N.A.N.A.S." I will never forgive her for "Wind It Up" where she bastardizes the Sound of Music. NEVER!

Paula is paying homage to Gwen again. She too, borrowed a tie from Ryan. What, did you have a yardsale, Seacrest?

Chris Sligh is out!

"Th-th-th-th-th-that's all, folks!".