Dance With Somebody

Hello my darlings. It has been a while since I have live-blogged a Glee episode. I sat down to watch the latest, the Whitney episode, and it opened on Mercedes staring at a framed picture of Whitney Houston while singing about a boy. I thought, Yup! This one is ripe for live-blogging.

Let me start by saying that Glee has slowly been losing it's glimmer. It's tarnishing, if you will, right before my eyes, and I don't like it one bit! I'm bored. I used to cry. Now I play words with friends. What happened to Shelby? What kind of crap-ass storyline was that? Waste of good talent. Sorry, Idina. AND what the heck was up with Rachel's dads. One was supposed to be black. He was incredibly black in season one when we saw pictures of the two men together. Bah. Lame.

Okay, so let's get to the show. Why is she singing to a picture of Whitney? Why does she have a framed 8x10 of Whitney at school? Why is she so consternated? She's singing about a crush. Oh, my bad. It's a 5x7. Don't hold my inability to quickly gauge photo size against me. They have a shrine to Whitney? They certainly are setting this show up to be a barn burner. I sure hope they answer all of these pressing questions throughout the show. (Oh, and Santana looks vaguely like she's gonna puke.)

Oh, Glee.  You could have picked a better song to open with if you were gonna be that melodramatic about it.

Has it always been this way, or are they really promoting over-acting? Oh, and who sings for Brittany?

Ok, I feel like I'm being awfully negative so, some positives: I like Brittany & Santana's relationship. I like Santana's voice. I like that the show only seems to air once a month. Oh no. Sorry, there I go again.  But seriously who changed? The show? or the way I watch it?

Hahaha. The guy's name is pronounced Lah-vendor. It's a family name. Classic!

There actually was a pretty good throw away joke from Brittany. Talking about the dreadhead, she said, "yeah, Joe is pretty, but I heard she doesn't shave her pits."

I love Kurt's dad. He's a real character on this show of (say this next part with a trill) draaaama queens. 
Aw dammit, Kurt. Ya got me. I got a little teary during his rendition of "I have nothing", even though I passionately abhor falsetto. Yeah, he lost me towards the end of the song when he got super high pitchy, but the beginning was nice.

....

zzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzz
zzz, ewhah? (clears throat)
Sorry. Must have dozed off there for a second. I'm back.

Oh seriously? Schuester wants to get married soon so that his age inappropriate, not to mention otherwise inappropriate, friends can come to the wedding? This show is actually kind of sad.

Ew gross! Joe poked Quinn. But wait, isn't she paralyzed? How would she have felt that...?

Why are they all hugging? Didn't they just spend the whole day going to classes together? Teenagers! Bah. Just kiddding. I just am soo old I forget what HS is like. I think I can recall being rather dramatic.

Also, can we end the word adorkable? (New Girl)

Television's biggest star

It seems that the biggest star on TV is the baby (well, generally babies) who plays little Beth on Glee. I just saw that she also plays the Scavo baby on Desperate Housewives. Is it wrong to be jealous of someone who can't even walk yet?

Glee-ality

Final Four - Season one finale. Who is gonna win? Let's break it down, shall we? (alphabetically).

Alex: He is a diva, but he has talent. I just wonder if there is more than one layer to him? Also, he is just the male/gay version of Mercedes which could either make or break him. I would not tune in to see him (though I would watch anyway) because I don't think he is a very good actor.

Damian (aka: Ireland): He has been in the bottom three a lot. But that also means that Ryan has seen him often enough to be able to have thought about a character for him. His accent would make him a good candidate for the short character arc as he could be an exchange student. I think he charms Ryan, but he is not very talented. I am not a fan of his singing or his dancey eyebrows.

Lindsay: She's got the looks, the voice, the acting chops. She just needs to get out of her own way. I just don't know what Ryan would write for her. There is nothing that makes her quirky (obviously quirky).

Samuel: His smoldering gaze is the only look he's got. I liked him tons at first, but now I am bored and over him. He is a decent actor. But... meh. I can see Ryan liking him because he is different looking and he has the whole Christian thingy.

So they brought back all of the contestants.. So.. yay..

"We're taking all 12 of you to the top of a 35 story skyscraper in downtown LA" and then we are going to push you off one by one until we have a winner. Just kidding. Robert Ulrich only said the first part. But I know they are afraid! Actually, if I were the insurance provider for the show, I would be afraid. These kids are not the most graceful.

Lindsay feels like a Beatle. Well, the camera sure seems to find her a lot during the video. And based on the video, you would think that Marisa was still in it to win it.

I have no idea who is going to win, and where the heck is Idina Menzel? The other guest mentors are there. Punk.

Damnometer! Lindsay nailed it! Holy smokes! And it was so fun to watch the faces of the "audience".

Ireland picked a good song, and he is charming as heck! But he can't even snap for himself in rhythm. But his eyebrows are going in full force.

Samuel is cocky, or insecure, or something, but it is really interfering with his likeability. He should be a shoo-in by singing Jolene, because it is such an awesome song. The crowd seemed to like him.

Alex is coming out as Mercedes. I like his wig.

Time to decide. I still lean towards Lindsay because I do believe singing and acting ability is important. Zach just said that Ireland could be an exchange student. I bet if they cast Alex, he would play the role of a cross-dressing student who gets outed, or something.

Ryan is wearing my hat. Samuel won? Meh. Ireland won, too. Hmm. They all won? Lame-o. They just did that so they can actually keep whoever turns out to actually be the best fit on the show.

The end.

Generosity

Generosity. I am lacking that today. Well, let's make a judgment call at the end of this diatribe, shall we? Just started the show and I already know that Ireland/Dancing Eyebrows is going home. He is the least talented singer of the bunch. Plus, his eyebrows are weird. (As am I. I have been typing with an Irish brogue... Also, drinking wine which makes typing ever so difficult.)

I think this show has a multitude of layers. I think that even if Lindsay doesn't win, her personality will take a shift to the better. As for dreadlocks (why do I suck so bad at names? Oh, like you'll remember who I am talking about in the future anyway...), his attitude is wicked annoying. I hate people who are so "oh, woe is me" until they have a modicum of success, then suddenly turn into entitled beyotches. Blech and boring. I think he needs some training. But the problem with our current reality television star churning machine is that they don't suffer the indignities of failure before success as most talented people do. (Like ME! In one day I went to four (4) auditions. I was told that I was too fat, too slim. Too ugly, too pretty. Too American, too European. Nose too big. Face too small. Whatever! Those are the things that make you strong! Failure!!! Mean people! Going home to wine (heh, I mean whine) to your cat about yet another role you did not land until you land the role. Then it is on, mutha brothers! ON! Or you chicken out and go to work as an assistant at a defence, er defense firm. (How did I get infected with the British bug?) No judgment. Just saying. People should have to work hard to get that level of success.

Where was I? Diatribe over. Suddenly I am exhausted. Oh, I have to watch this show.

I think Lindsay will win. She's pretty. She really can sing. She can act. If she can get past her sociopathism (is that a word? Ah, it is now.) then she will be great. Alex is the female version of Mercedes. Ireland is awful and Samuel is a close second but... he is a one trick pony. (sultry song glare...)

Yay. It's smiley boy time. Zach Woodlee is so cute. Shh. Lemme enjoy this...






Shhh...






Seriously... SHHHH...







Okay, Lindsay is still an arrogant cow. Knock it off. And Ireland thinks that shrugging his shoulders is akin to playing the drums. I cannot type the sound that I am making. But seriously, Zach is cute! Even when he says things like "I do need them to take this a bit more seriously, though. It is Glee we are talking about".

They seem to be losing control. It's like the inmates running the asylum. That said, they used Lindsay's audio most and she came across in the video well. So, I stand by her. BUT they just said Ryan and game changer, so maybe they will use all of these kids... Oh, no. That's not it. They all have to perform. Okay... That was sooooo unexpected.

The vocal coach chick (who is sooo pretty) really dislikes Lindsay. It practically oozes out of her. I applaud her ability to make Lindsay not notice. I wish they would assign Charlie Chaplin's "Smile". I love that song.

Is Ian Ryan Murphy's boyfriend?

Ireland needs botox injections in his forehead to settle those eyebrows down! Smeh. My personality, my arse. Time for you to go home. Okay, just kidding. He is charming. But, buh bye, now. I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!

Defying Gravity... Interesting choice for the girl they are attempting to get to change. "Something has changed within me." I think they are feeding her the win. Or they are trying to get her to quit on her own. ('Cause the song is about someone who bucks authority).

I dunno why, but Samuel has begun to annoy me. What is it? I think he is tedious. I think they all are, but maybe I just see something in Lindsay I can relate to (I too, am an insecure narcissist).

Whenever this show is over, I feel an urge to have an Itunes concert. "Isn't it grand? Isn't it great? Isn't it swell?"

Seriously!?! Ireland is staying? They're all staying? What's the point of that? Wimpy judges.

(Don't judge me as I am a little weepy for them. I am such a sap. Ugh)

Sexuality

I believe it is time for another rousing edition of Bug reacts to The Glee Project. After last week's devastating release of my personal favorite Marissa, I'm not sure who I am rooting for anymore. This episode ought to help push someone into my favor. Meanwhile, I will drink wine and eat Ruffles Molten Hot Wings potato chips. (Feel free to send me new flavors to test out, or reward my mention of your product with All Dressed chips which I know can be found in America's hat*.)

This week's topic is sexuality. I think Marissa would have been great on this. And poor Ireland's head would have exploded. By the way, why is he still on the show? I said good day, sir (in a poor Irish accent).

 I am afraid for my eyes during the homework assignment as these kids try to rape the guest from the stage every week. The Horror! Plus the nerdy seriel killer looking kid always does the same spastic dance which the show runners seem to think is spectacular and I think is an indicator of an imminent brain aneurism. I wonder how he will insert it into today's show. Maybe they should do a show called subtlety. THAT is something they could stand to learn. Hmm, they used the voyeuristic version of sexuality. They kept looking at Puck and Zizes and the casting guy as if they were expecting them to join in, perhaps?

Ugh! You have a girlfriend. We get it. Now, I am a big fan that he is loyal and true to her, but dude, you are an actor. You are acting. Sheesh. I think she will be okay with that and if not, you are going to have to give up one or the other. Ha! Ireland just said that he didn't think the scenes would be too sexual as it is Glee! Um, are we watching the same show?

The video: Teenage Dream - Katy Perry. Um, I thought the food in the kitchen was a little on the nose with Hannah. I'm sorry, but...
They cut so much that it never really went anywhere, for me. They stayed on Lindsay and Ireland the most, which made sense because they where the only ones that seemed to get the idea for the video. I didn't think the kitchen couple was flirting and Samuel seems to be a decent actor, but Alex not so much.  That was my least favorite video of them all.

My guess for bottom three: Alex, Cameron, Lindsay. I pick Lindsay because of her vocal limitations per Nikki. Cameron mostly because I don't really like him and he won't do what a director asks of him.

I don't know if I wrote this in my last post, but I think the kids who get to perform in front of Ryan are lucky. Even though they are called bottom 3 and have the possibility of going home, Ryan gets to know them and see if he can write for them. I think he is way more likely to cast someone he knows he can write for.

Hmm, I was wrong on Lindsay. The bottom three are whining about being in the bottom. Suck it up, honeys. The acting life is a tough one, full of nos and negative things.

I kind of love Alex. He is super queenie, which could go awry in my ever so humble opinion. Yet, he has something that I am thoroughly charmed by. I hope he can channel his feelings into being a better actor. If he could just tap into his vulnerable side, he could win.

I love how very supportive Robert and Zach are when these kids sing in the bottom three. They have proud papa looks on their faces and clap vociferously.

Oh, is Cameron quitting? I think that they might let him go, but Ryan's desire to write for a Christian kid overrides his ability to see that Cameron would not be a good choice to win. He is too young. Maybe in a couple of years after this girlfriend has promised to save herself for their wedding day, and winds up pregnant with twins from her Algebra tutor, who happens to be Cameron's arch nemesis, and twin brother, and he vows to sleep with all of her friends to get back at her, will he be able to be on Glee.

See?

Haha. Ryan said he was sad because he felt that Cameron could have touched so many people. Isn't that why Cameron is leaving? He doesn't want to touch all of those people. And man! Ireland is like a cat. 9 lives. Always landing on his feet. But Cameron is a jerk for saying that he saved Ireland.

Cameron has to go tend to the bodies in his basement. ***


*I am just teasing!** I love Canada and everything it has to stand for. I am exceptionally grateful for the fantastic game Balderdash that hails from the Great White North. So no politely phrased hate mail, please.
**I am not, however,teasing about sending me these chips. Pleaseandthankyou.
***or crawl space. How would I know? He didn't talk about it on the show. 

Pairability

I am really into this show. I have to say that I am a proud "Gleek" Britney episode notwithstanding. (Though I did watch that episode again recently and did not hate it as much as I did the first time I saw it. Yep, drank the koolaid, I did.)

So they have culled the show of many of the people I thought were not meant to win. But every week we get to know these kids a little better and it makes it harder (or easier) to see them leave.

My current favorite is Marissa. She has been a solid, but quiet contender. As she is finding more success, we are seeing her sexy, booty poppin' side. I hope she can maintain herself so that her lips don't suddenly turn fuchsia. (That's an Emily reference, who went home in episode 2).

So they are doing duets this week. Awesome. They paired Ireland with Matheus. They sang The Lady is Tramp. (Which according to my mom, the song is about me). Their video was cute, but those two are hams and overacted their way to the end. Thank God the singing coach couched Matheus "rocker screams". Ugh, so don't need to hear that crap anymore. As for Ireland, I'm just not a fan. I don't know what it is about him, but no. He gives creepy looks, and sings like he's being muted. Just weird. Sorry.

They paired Hannah and Alex. I like her and I glad they taught Alex some humility last week, because he was on a train to divaville.

Ooh, I love the choreographers. She just told Hannah that everyone is sexy. Which, YES! So true. You just have to own it, baby. Find your sexy.

So Hannah and Alex are singing "Nowadays", a Broadway tune from Chicago, which was sung by two women. Oh no! They actually dressed Alex in drag? And what is that wig on Hannah's head? They are really forcing her to dig deep for the sexy. Sheesh! Alex looks good as a woman, and Hannah looks pretty, save for that wig... They bring a lot of sass, but not enough energy.

So now we get to see the video for "Don't You Want Me Baby" with Marissa and Samuel. The two frontrunners, if it were up to me. Crap, that's a hot video, and when she kisses him at the end, he dives in for more. She is a good actress. She gives a lot without doing too much. I really like her.

Finally we have Lindsay and Cameron. He is a little weird to me. He seems to be hiding a lot? I dunno. He makes me uncomfortable. And she is soooo cocky. Which is a shame, because she can back it up with talent and looks, but no one wants to be around that. Uh oh. She just felt the challenge of oomphing it up after seeing Marissa kiss Samuel. I see backfire coming? Let's see what happens. Oh, cute!! It was a cute video. She really is talented. He's pretty good, too. And then she lays one on him. It worked for me. Cameron has to go to confession, now. Wow, he is feeling serious guilt for Lindsay giving him an acting kiss. And my ex had no problem having a harem of women to do more than kiss. Interesting. But back to Cameron. He wants to be an actor? What's the plan? To have a lip double?

Okay, my bottom three would be Matheus, Ireland (what is that boy's real name??), and Hannah. I pick Hannah because she was overshadowed by Alex in the video. Let's have the real bottom three revealed: Oh, that's a game changer for sure! (Why is the choreography boy so cute?) Before watching them sing, I think Matheus is going home.

Hannah and Alex singing Valerie. They are sooo cute. I want more of them!!!!

Matheus and Ireland sing These Boots are Made for Walking. They worked well together but don't want more of them. And why does Matheus always wear his shirt unbuttoned to the naval?

I am officially a fan of Ryan Murphy. One, he tells Matheus not to listen to divas who will always try to bring you down. Then he calls Cameron out for getting kissed, crying, and then calling his mother. I like that he calls people out on their crap right away. It is intimidating, but at least you always know where you stand, right? So, are they going to have to do a final bottom three in addition to the duets?

Okay, off on my bottom three, though Matheus is going home. That I am sure of. But I love that they are teaching them how to be better actors, better people.

Top 12

Time to check in on the dancers. I am not as in to this season as I would like to be. There is no one that is really compelling to invest in. As much as I love MM, she doesn't quite possess as much personality as I expected her to when I first saw her audition. I still like her a lot. She could win. As for Ryan, she is definitely missing something intangible that is vital to being an exciting dancer. Marci made a comment about her using her arms weirdly, or not extending them enough. It's true, they somehow seem to have the tensile strength of a cooked noodle. I'm ready for her to go. She's been in the bottom 3 consistently and the judges keep saving her.
The boys are pretty great this time, but they don't have the fire I am looking for either. The boy who could be Harry Shum, Jr.'s (of Glee) little brother always looks like he is about to cry and that makes me angry for some reason. (I don't seem to possess too much maternal instinct). They should utilize his sad face and make him do a pierrot dance.
Caitlynn overacts too much for me to like her a lot. She's always indicating to the audience. I think she is a fabulous dancer, but she seems more fit for a cruise ship, than as a key dancer because she doesn't ever become the dance. She is always performing it. I do appreciate Nigel not wanting to comment on her sexiness because he is afraid it will label him as a dirty old man. (TOO LATE!)
Mary Murphy and her teeth are back this season and I have already blown out six speakers. She does seem a little tougher this time around. And they are using Sonya more, which I adore. She is really intelligent and I like what she has to say.
Speaking of judges, I am loving guest judges. Yay for Kristin Chenoweth and the randomness of Jesse Tyler Ferguson. I get Kristin, but is Jesse a dancer? A Broadway guy? Or is he just a dance appreciator? Whatever, I liked having him there.
I think I am cranky because this is a pretty harsh review. Forgive me. I can be more funny later.

The elimination show:
Kat was nominated for an Emmy! That's very appropriate and I hope she wins. She makes the show. (8 noms for the whole show).

Okay, I love the little shorts and the saucy outfits that the dancers wear. But what the heck is Clarisse wearing? She looks like one of the girls I saw on 14th St. one night. Yikes.

Okay, what do they have to say to the girls? As we know, I think it is time for Ryan to go. I have a feeling the judges will agree. Yup. Good choice. Let's look at the boys.

I have no idea which will be sent home. I think it may be Alexander... and I am right.

I just need a really awesomely choregraphed dance to get back into the show. Bring Mia Michaels back.